The Butterfly Effect
by Riter4ever
Summary: "I know I'm charming and all, but honestly the saying 'sweeping someone off their feet' does not apply when the person is on a very tall flight of stairs."
1. Chapter 1: Flutters

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I do own socks though, however I can't give them to Dobby considering the owner of Harry Potter decided to kill him off.

Chapter One: Flutters

_"It has been said that something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world." ~Chaos Theory_

(_Atlas and his Burden_)

Even if you had a map, you couldn't find it unless you knew. You would have to comb over the area a thousand times with skilled fingers. It seemed difficult to miss, and yet it was nearly as invisible as James' invisibility cloak.

"Curious," I thought as I sat on the worn tire swing, peering around the shabby Muggle playground again, despite it being one of the main settings for my childhood. It was not hidden, and yet nature had attempted to conceal it. It was as if Mother Earth had made a deal with me, that if I kept my haven a secret, then she would too.

The supports of the tire swing were grown over with ivy, and only a few pieces of the faded red paint showed through. The slide was in a battle with a tree and the swings had a bush between them. As a little girl, I had been here far too many times to count, and yet, even though I was nearly seventeen, the legal adult age for a wizard, I could still not help but escape here. It was getting dark, and I still spun lazily in circles on the old tire swing that I had so grown to love more than anything else. I loved it. Not because of the dizziness or the world as it blurred around me, although I did love those things, but because of the euphoric feeling it gave me.

It gave me butterflies. Not those dull ones, not moths in my stomachs, but really beautiful butterflies. The ones you'll remember your entire life. The blue ones that, when they fly into the air, you can see the sunlight catch their shimmering wings. That is the feeling that I associate with love. Whenever you see that person, those butterflies begin to flap incessantly until you can't take it anymore.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to rid the feeling. What I had felt, what I thought I had felt, was nothing more than the barest reflection of infatuation, a simple school girl's crush. Sirius Black was a boy who a girl could easily grow to like. He had ruggedly good looks, a mischievous glint in his dark eyes, a personality that screamed trouble maker, and a cold demeanor that every girl wished to warm and a smirk that every girl wished to kiss away. He was unattainable, and that is what made him so attractive.

This year would be different. This year, I would move on. I would do well in school for a change, play Quidditch like I always did, laugh with my friends, relish in the good moments, and cry in the bad. It would be the same as last year. Except, this year I was learning to cut away the chains that weighed me down. I already had enough on my shoulders, like Atlas with the world bearing down on him.

To most, I'm simply Marlene Mckinnon. I'm in Gryffindor, so people believe I'm brave (in most cases, I'm not. People often have the misconception that boldness is bravery.) I am known for speaking my opinion more often than I should (something I'm looking into, I swear!) I used to drink and besides Quidditch, partying was my sole extra-curricular, and there are a fair number of rumors spreading around (almost none of them are true). I'm a star Quidditch player (growing up as the youngest girl in a family of five brothers can do that to you). But no one assumes what I go through. No one imagines that Marlene Mckinnon is deeper than she seems. That she is not as shallow as people imagine her to be. That she is not as brave as she is made out to be.

Sometimes I really hate misconceptions. At times, I want to throw away everything I know about myself and be like James, laughing and pranking. Some other times, I want to be like Lily, passionate in my studies. And most of the times, I just want to escape my life and fly to the stars. I have as many thoughts as there are stars, and sometimes I think that if I wanted to, I could go to the stars and live in blissful oblivion and just escape everything.

"MARLENE!"

And then reality hits me, and I've got to maintain the image that I've attained again. I stumble out of the playground, casting a last look before I'm off to Hogwarts.

"Goodbye," I murmur. And even though it's only a trick of the light breeze, I can swear the playground says goodbye as well. I stumble out of the bushes and after a small walk, find Maverick, his hands cupped around his mouth shouting my name.

"I'm here, I'm here," I said and he attempts to glare at me, as if in disapproval of my running off. In a few seconds however, he grins, unable to retain any serious expression for longer than a minute. Maverick, seven years my senior at the age of twenty-three, is the epitome of bravery. He wrestles dragons every day, being a dragon keeper. The tips of his curly, dark blonde hair are slightly singed. He refuses to cut them, and thinks of these singed hairs as a sign of his bravery. He is impulsive, acts without thinking, and walks around as if he owns the entire bloody planet. And yet, as he ruffles my hair, I have a sudden wave of affection for him. It's one of those waves where you realize how precious a person is. I embrace him. He stumbles back, a bit surprised, and then returns the hug.

"You all right Marls? It's not…you know," He whispers in a hushed whisper. I did know, but I planned on making him say it.

"What are you talking about Mav?"

"Your…time of the month," He said even lower, as if even mentioning it would suggest something awful.

"No," I said, stifling a smile, "I'll just miss you at Hogwarts."

"All right," He chuckled, "I'll miss you too M&M."

I half heartily rolled my eyes at the name. My parents, either being obsessed over alliterations or the letter M, had named all of their six children with names beginning with M (leading to some unnecessary alliteration name bonding with Moaning Myrtle). We slowly walked to the large Mckinnon mansion, a nice brick home with three floors and a spacious attic.

Sometimes, the world works in strange ways. Twenty six years ago, if Avior Mckinnon's owl, Strix, had not injured his wing by flying into that window clumsily, Avior would have gotten his Hogwarts supply letter sooner and not been rushing into Diagon Alley. He would not have been blindly sprinting into Flourish and Blott's and run straight into Merriam Woodard, a cheerful but slightly timid muggle born seventh year Hufflepuff. He would not have knocked her over and caused her books to tumble into a puddle. He would not have offered to pay for her books and she would not have demanded for him to also buy her a drink as she was not having a good day either. They would not have talked, and they would not have eventually dated much to the chagrin of Avior's elitist pureblood parents, Meissa and Perseus Mckinnon. Given that Meissa and Perseus had died with their only son, the mansion was left to Avior. And so, we walked to the Mckinnon mansion, not very far from the Potter mansion and a few other pureblood family homes (who often went out of their way to avoid us blood traitors).

"We're back!" Maverick announced as we went through the door. What was previously a typical pureblood home filled with house elves, a large family tree that taunted them, hidden passages, and dark secrets, was totally transformed by Merriam Mckinnon, more commonly referred to as "Merry" since she was always happy. My mother possessed beautiful blonde hair and bright blue eyes, always filled with wonder. She had an artist's imagination and was cheerful in demeanor. She liked to dance and would often spontaneously drag one of my brother's to waltz with her whenever the radio played a song she liked. She particularly liked gardening, often found with her wide-brimmed hat shielding her face laboring over her flowers. She found beauty in everything. At times, she seemed a bit childish and at times she seemed more wise than anyone.

In a matter of days, she had transformed the gloomy Mckinnon mansion, into something bright. The walls were painted sunshine yellow. The dark wood was replaced with wood the color of honey. The house elves were freed. New furniture was put in, and although older, was more lived in and not as stiff. She had a perseverance that few people possessed.

She was, however, not a very good cook.

Which was really not a skill set necessary in a pre-dominantly male family where six of the eight family members would eat socks if they were buttered. But still, when I saw mum in the kitchen, my heart sped up a bit. It was, however, Marcell that was cooking and my mother simply sitting and sketching.

"Hullo Marley," My mother greeted me. "Good walk?"

"The best," I said as I sat near her. She returned this action with a smile and tucked a strand of my dark hair behind my ear.

"What? I don't get a greeting? Am I not worthy?" Marcell asked and I rolled my eyes.

"Hullo Marcell," I added with an eye roll and he hugged me with one arm as if I had been gone for two months instead of two hours. Marcell Mckinnon was, to place one word to it, a trouble maker. That's actually two words, but you get my drift. Marcell was a very typical boy. He was obsessed with Quidditch, rarely showered, and liked to always lighten the atmosphere with a bad joke or a fart (the latter I don't quite recommend you being around for). He was also a boy who had no respect for personal space or privacy. Henceforth, he had gone rummaging through my things and discovering a certain fact that I might fancy a certain someone. Causing the nickname "Mrs. Black" to follow me wherever I went through the house. But I wasn't going to swoon anymore at the thought of Sirius Black. Sirius Black was trouble. Honestly, my parents should do a better job of not pushing me into the arms of one of the school's biggest manwhores. Then again, if you look at my brothers collectively, they're probably not the best example of good parenting.

"You done your packing yet Marlene?" My mum said absentmindedly.

I cursed under my breath and Marcell raised an eyebrow while my mum briefly glanced upward.

"Language, Marlene," She added.

"Oh please mum, she's sixteen," Marcell added, although he was hardly a person to be giving parenting tips as a single bachelor in a Kiss the Chef apron.

"You should probably pack Marley," My mum added as she continued sketching, pencil lines forming across her paper.

"Or…" I added as I flung my hair up into a ponytail, "I could ask one of my oh so kind and clever and of age brothers to do a simple spell and whoop-de-doo, I'll be done for the day?" I suggested.

She shrugged, "As long as I don't get a letter from the Ministry."

(See this is why my brothers are allowed to act like gorillas. When my mum's in the middle of a project, she's totally blank about things going on around her)

"Marcell, oh so handsome Marcell?" I asked with a smile. He gestured to the frying pan he was currently holding.

"Oh yes, let me just cook and make you dinner at the same time. Will that be all Your Highness?"

I returned his statement with a scowl and stomped upstairs to find my other brothers. I peeked into Maddox's room.

"Hullo Mad," I said with a hopeful smile. He glanced up, his blue eyes confused.

"'Lo Marley, do you need something from my room?"

"Erm…yeah actually. You and your magnificent wand skills?" I ask pleadingly. He sighs and stands up to follow me.

Maddox is the second oldest and probably the most passive and quiet of our family. He was a Ravenclaw during his time in Hogwarts and now he works with Magical Law Enforcement. I know he wants to end up in Wizengamot one day. Maddox is very clever and logical. He's not one to really let his feelings direct his actions. For him, all the consequences have been calculated before he does something.

"So I haven't packed my bag yet…"

"Marley," He says exasperated, "You know Mum and Dad have been really lenient on you with…what happened," his Adam apple bobs as he swallows. He can't even say it. It's as if that entire memory, that entire situation has been prohibited to be spoken about, "but you've got to pull it together this year. You barely got into your NEWT classes this year."

"All right, save the lecture. I know, Dad's had this conversation with me before. No more old Marlene. Just a Lily Evans clone."

Maddox sighed, "That's not what I meant. Just…focus more. And write me if you have troubles with my study."

"Expect many letters."

"You make yourself sound much dumber than you are. You're good at a good lot of subjects."

"I don't need the self-esteem boost."

"You're brilliant at Transfiguration and DADA."

"Yeah, but that's about it. Except for Herbology and Care of Magical creatures and Divination, which are basically the easiest subjects. I'm rubbish at Charms and Potions," I added with a sigh and led Marcell into my cluttered room.

He let out a low whistle at the mess, "Were you hoping that I'd clean this all up for you?"

"Nah, I was hoping you'd pack my trunk with a nice swish of your wand? I put all the things I want to bring in that pile," I pointed to the huge mound of stuff. He sighed as if this was the biggest inconvenience to him, and worked some of his magic so that I was packed and ready.

"Thanks Mad," I grinned.

"Come on, you're my baby sister. And plus you have those big brown doe eyes. I'm at a total disadvantage," He added, pushing his spectacles up his nose.

"DINNER!" My mum calls out. We head downstairs and sit at our table. We're the last ones, which doesn't go un-noticed.

"Welcome slow pokes," Marcell adds with a grin, "Come join the party."

I sit down next to Maxwell, sticking out my tongue at Marcell.

"Maturity at its finest," Maverick comments with a condescending shake of his head. Maxwell snorts, "Oh and your stuffed dragon is definitely the epitome of maturity."

"I'll have you know that Mr. Flame is a priceless artifact."

Let's give a round of applause for the mighty Mckinnon family.

"Boys, let's eat dinner," My mum added as she spooned some mash potatoes onto her plate.

"Is Dad coming?" I asked.

"Held up at work," Mum replied with a sigh.

"Pass the green beans Max," I asked and he passed them dutifully.

Maxwell is the most ambitious of us. I wouldn't have been too surprised if he was a Slytherin. He ended up in Ravenclaw though. He's a bit like the opposite of Maddox, being very impulsive and danger seeking. He's currently training to be an Auror. There's a war coming on, if you don't know. But he's still being trained so they won't send him on missions yet. But Max is so impulsive, that it wouldn't be too much of a shock if he jumped into a duel with Voldemort himself. Max is something different. The world would be losing something it they lost Max. The world would be losing a lot if they lost any of my family.

The fireplace flickered with life as emerald green flames roared to life and my father stepped out, looking a bit bedraggled and tired but still happy.

"Hullo. Dinner looks delicious," He commented, and hung his coat before washing his hand and sitting down at the head of the table. Dinner was filled with pleasant conversation, a splash of teasing (all right a lot of teasing), and plenty of laughs. And in that moment, I wish that every day were like that. And in that moment I realized just how much I had. We might not have a house elf like the Potters, but we had each other. I had a family who loved me dearly, who protected me. And while happy moments might not last that long in a time of war, I was glad that there were still a few.

I headed back upstairs to spend my last night before I left to Hogwarts. There was that small feeling of dread that I had for homework and school and the grades that I'd have to pull up. But it was completely overwhelmed by the excitement that fluttered in my stomach with nervous energy. I lay down on my bed, thinking of what was in store for me with the coming year. My thoughts were interrupted with a knock against the window. I sat up quickly but relaxed my tense muscles when I saw it was simply my owl Godric. I opened the window and he fluttered to perch on my finger. I untied the letters he held.

"Two letters? Go rest Godric," I said as I fed him two treats and stroked his dark gray feathers, setting him in his cage where he looked at me sleepily before his eyes closed peacefully. The first letter was evidently Lily's, obvious from her very neat, sloping cursive.

_Dear Marly, _

_It's Lily, if you couldn't tell. I'm prefect again this year! And no, that doesn't mean I'll let you use the prefect bath again this year. Amos Diggory very nearly reported us to Dumbledore. I still can't believe we didn't get any points taken off for that. Probably because you snogged him completely senseless (not judging. He is rather fit). Anyway nothing's happened much since the last time we wrote, which I remind you, was ages ago. Usually Severus and I would be spending time together, but now things have been a little more than awkward. _

_Has something happened to you over the summer? Normally I'd be getting letters from you about which guys you had flings with and which ones you'd like to snog or what parties your brothers have brought you to. Your last few letters have been a bit depressing. All you've done is talk about Quidditch, which I'll remind you again, I know very little about. You're also talking about the "War" a lot more. It's not actually a war yet, but it will be soon, I suppose. I don't understand it. It's all blood isn't it? It's the same red in purebloods that runs through the veins of muggles and muggle borns and half bloods alike. The only way for your blood to be impure is if you cut yourself and fall into a mud puddle. I never understood prejudices really. But then again I was always the Gryffindor girl with the Slytherin best friend._

_Have you talked to James lately? I'm so used to him bombarding me with letters. I haven't gotten a single one. Has Merlin answered my prayers and actually killed him off? _

_ You seem different lately. You're acting different. You don't seem as happy or as optimistic as usual. Aren't you the one who is usually making the jokes? We need to talk on the train. _

_Lots of Love,_

_Lily_

If anyone could see through it, it would be Lily. Yes, so much had changed this summer. So much had hurt me and so much had wounded me that I would not be the same carefree girl who only cared about having fun. I folded the letter up and placed in the ever-growing pile of letters in my desk drawer before opening up the second letter. It was from Mary Macdonald.

_'Lo Marls, _

_Remember me? It's your friend Mary Macdonald. You haven't written back in a couple of weeks so I just sent you a letter. I know I'll see you probably shortly after or before this letter gets to you, but I just wanted to see how you were doing. What's happened over your summer? You know all about mine, just working in the green grocer store with my parents. You should come visit in the winter sometime; it's really a lovely place. Our flat upstairs isn't too shabby either. I need to talk to you. Not Lily, although I'm sure her advice would be just fine. But in essence, you're probably the better person. I know you'll probably scoff at this. If you were here, you'd probably swear to protect me or something of the like. But I'm scared. I always thought Hogwarts was my safe haven, but now? Now everything has changed. You've said it before, there's a war coming. I'm going to be right in the middle as a muggle born. I've already been attacked by Mulciber. I can still hear his taunts echoing in my nightmares. He put the Imperius curse on me, remember? He was going to make myself do awful things. I shiver just thinking of what could've happened. Thank Merlin that Reginald Cattermole (the seventh year Hufflepuff prefect, in case you forgot) stopped it. Merlin Marls, it scares me a lot. I'm a pretty shoddy Gryffindor, aren't I? I'm scared Marls. I'm really scared. My parents barely know anything. I think they like it better to be in ignorant bliss. But honestly Marls, I'm terrified. Everything I've known has been flipped. We'll talk later, but your owl is looking a bit hungry and honestly with him being so big and all and me being so small, I'm not taking any chances. _

_Love, _

_Mary _

I sighed and dropped that letter into the pile, which I quickly wrapped up with a piece of spare string and placed in my trunk. Mary Macdonald was scared. But the truth was, I was scared too. James Potter, my mate and neighbor, had once dubbed me the "Gryffindor Princess". The nickname had caught on and now a couple of blokes had come to calling me that. But it was given to me because he thought I was a true Gryffindor. Courageous in the face of danger and loyal even in the darkest times. He said I was a lioness, a person who faced every challenge with a snarl. But even lionesses feel fear sometimes. And even the most outgoing people are wounded and are never the same.

I prepared to bed and climbed into the covers for the last night I would spend at home. Sixth year was full of possibilities. I could feel it. But not all of them were good, and some of them were even dark.

_(Custom)_

It was tradition. And since my father's family was known for never giving up tradition, it seemed a bit fitting that my brothers did not give up tradition either. But in the same sense, I guess another adjective to describe my brothers would be mental, as in, they-should-probably-be-checked-into-St. Mungo's-soon-before-they-inflict-any-mental-disord er-related-incidents mental.

It was a simple tradition, not in the mechanics, but it was good, light-hearted fun. Frankly, I suppose that fun was just something we all needed right now. I may have complained about it, but inside I smiled. It started when I was eleven, the day before I went to Hogwarts. I was woken up by a bucket of ice water doused over my head. Over the years it grew more complicated as my brothers grew more logical. And so, as I woke up this morning, I was dimly aware that it was the first day of school and that some sort of item would be waking me up this morning. It was in fact, a huge system of pulleys and levers and toys set up to work in a sort of Ruth Goldberg machine, which sent a huge icy amount of water over my head.

"Your expression was priceless!" Marcell cheered exuberantly as he snapped a picture with the wizarding camera. Even my mother was there, a wide smile on her face, the sunlight streaming through the window casting a glow around her. I glared at my brothers, each of them with their own unique smiles.

Maverick had a half-smirk that had received many swoons back in his Hogwarts days. Maddox had a close-lipped smile, part condescending, part amused, as if he was wondering whether or not I had figured out the logistics of the prank he had taken a large part of. Marcell had his goofy wide grin on, still snapping pictures of my stern glare. Maxwell's expression was the most serious, but he still had a small smile, but his gaze was far away. And Manning…well Manning wasn't here today, and the mere thought caused my heart to wrench painfully.

My dad came into the doorway, noticed my drenched hair, and frowned a bit. "I missed it?" He asked, nearly pouting.

"No worries Dad, Marcell has a wonderful picture that will obviously be framed in the living room showing off M&M's glorious beauty," Marcell said as he reached out to ruffle my hair, which I batted away. He retreated with a low chuckle.

"I'm going to take a shower," I announced and went to the bathroom. The hot water was pounding against my skin. I half-hoped that it would wash all the memories of the summer away. All the sadness, all the impact. And yet, it didn't. I was still Marlene, the same old Marlene. And yet, I was a different Marlene. I was no longer the Marlene who would wear plunging necklines and roll her skirt up and spent half an hour on makeup alone. I was no longer the Marlene who liked to snog, who pushed away her studies, who drank a bit too much at parties.

She was gone.

And that fact scared me. As I climbed out the shower, I put on a nice white "peasant-style" blouse and dark denim trousers with a bit of a flare. According to my mum, who read Muggle fashion magazines with my grandmum, a Muggle designer named Yves St. Laurent had introduced peasant-style blouses in his line. Mum bought me a few of them for her and me. As mum called for everyone to get downstairs and in the car, I hopped on one foot as I tried to tug on a navy Converse sneaker. I hurried downstairs to grab a bit of breakfast and Marcell raised an eyebrow at the wet hair.

"I didn't know the look drowned rat was in."

"Prat."

"Do you want me to style your hair Marly?" My mother asked and I nodded as I cut up my fruit into small pieces.

With her fingers running through my long dark hair, I felt as if I was eleven again. Going to Kings Cross with my mother having done my hair. She placed a drying spell on it, heating up her wand, and wrapping strands of my hair around it. Marcell put a disgusted face on, as if personal hygiene was absolutely revolting to him, which considering how he smelled might have been partly accurate.

"I've missed doing your hair. What happened to my little girl? She's all grown up," My mother said fondly as she placed her long, elegant fingers underneath my chin.

"Yeah," I croaked, "Nearly seventeen."

"Always my little girl," She replied and continued curling. I bit my lip.

"You're all done," She replied and patted me on the back to send me to find a brother to apparate with.

"My lady?" Maverick joked as he extended my arm. I bit my lip to hide my laughter, and accepted his arm.

"Has someone got Godric? Her trunk?" My father asked around and two voices piped up, "All right, see you all in Kings Cross."

There were plenty of people who found that apparating was a pain and uncomfortable. I might have been one of the only few people who enjoyed the twisting sensation. It was like my tire-swing, but full of more possibilities. In that time where space and dimension did not exist, anything was possible. As my feet found the ground again, I was swept up again. Marcell and Maxwell swept me off until my stomach rested on both of their shoulders.

"Oi! Put me down!" I said between laughter.

"Not a chance," Marcell added. Maxwell added an agreeing low laugh. My family created quite a lot of attention, which meant that Marcell and Maxwell would have to put me down before crossing the barrier. They set me down with grins that would rival those of the Cheshire Cat. I wobbled on my feet for a few seconds, but eventually gained my balance.

We crossed the barrier each, and as I emerged from the brick, there was that familiar noise of the Hogwarts Express and the laughter and smiles. And even when I had spotted so familiar faces, I still couldn't help but wish that I could just stay home with my family.

My parents embraced me in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice tightening.

"It's over Marlene. There's still hope. It's not completely your fault."

"When you see him, tell him I'm sorry."

"We will. And you will have to write to us often. Anything you need, just ask us. We'll be sending you letters weekly."

I nodded, wiping away at the tears that had formed in my eyes. My brothers swarmed me and all hugged me together in a large circle. Me, being the shortest, practically disappeared. Despite everything, I couldn't help but grin.

"I know you're all lazy arses, but you have to all write to me. I love you all," I said as I wrapped myself around each of them. They all agreed.

"It's going to be a good year. I can sense it," My mum added.

"If I'm lucky," I said. And with one last wave, my hand clenched around the handle of the trunk, I boarded the train that would take me back home.

_(10: 45 A.M. September 1__st__ 1977)_

As Lily Evans put it, the perfect compartment would contain your best mates, a few jokesters, and a handsome bloke. Unfortunately (or fortunately in this case), I was much too early to find a compartment with all my mates, and was left on my own. It was a nice compartment with enough seats for about eight people to lounge pretty comfortably. I dragged my luggage up and lay down on the bench. Eventually, after a few moments of failing to get any sleep, I groggily made my way to the Prefect's Compartment, in hopes of finding Lily or Remus or someone that I knew.

I had never been in the Prefect's Compartment, but now I wished I had been in there earlier. There were charmed cooled drinks on shelves, and I found myself suddenly thirsty. Kimberly Elliot, a Ravenclaw in my year, raised her thin eyebrows as I came into the Prefect's Compartment. I ignored other glares coming to me.

"Mckinnon," Kimberly said with a slightly cold edge, "Has Dumbledore finally lost all his marbles and made you a prefect?"

"No, he's still got a few marbles left, although I'm pretty sure a few were lost when he appointed you as prefect," I retorted back, "I know about that…_thing_," I said in a whisper. Her eyes grew large and she stammered before sitting down, a blush rising to her cheeks. I smirked to myself a bit. For a moment, the old Marlene had fluttered to life, and in the same second she had disappeared.

"Now what exactly do you have on Kimberly Elliot?" An amused voice came from behind me. I whirled around, and discovered Sirius Black lounging on a chair as if it was a throne. He was the same Sirius Black as last year, who held an air of superiority as if his mere presence was cause for celebration and adoration, a lack of respect for anything that said "authority", and an attitude that matched with a motorcycle, a cigarette, and a leather jacket. I cocked my head in surprise.

"Sirius Black…prefect? Impossible," I scoffed.

"Just an escort to the one and only Remus Lupin," He supplied, waving a hand in the air lazily, "And the Prefect Compartment has wonderful cool drinks. Now where'd you find all about Elliot's secrets?" He asked, a lazy smile crossing his handsome face.

"Oh, I honestly don't know anything about Kimberly Elliot's personal life, besides that she's a Ravenclaw gossip. But everyone has a secret they don't want anyone to tell."

"Clever, Princess."

"Excuse me?"

"As in that nickname James concocted up for you? Gryffindor Princess? It's fitting."

"Are you in any way implying that I'm a spoiled brat?"

"Take it as a compliment, I don't give them too freely."

"On the contrary…"

"Marlene?" Lily asked as she entered the compartment door.

Lily Evans was positively lovely. She had a personality that shrieked, "perfect" with looks to match. She was complex, sometimes not speaking for bits and retreating into her own head. She was a girl of opposites. Sometimes an introvert when she retreated into the library, and sometimes an extrovert when she helped other students. She was patient, and at the same time she lost her temper often. She was not a pessimist nor an optimist, but a bit of both.

"Hi Lily," I returned with a smile. She didn't return it. Her eyebrows were clenched in confusion and a bit of anger, and I had the impending sense that something had been upsetting her.

"What's wrong with everyone today?" Sirius asked as he took in Lily's angry face. She turned to glare at him.

"Nothing. Everything is fu-" She paused as she noticed she would get a bit more than a little attention for using language in the Prefect's Compartment, "Everything's fine. I suggest you two get out before the prefect meeting starts. I'll see you later," She supplied and with a raise of her head, she made her way to her seat next to Remus. I shrugged and stepped out of the compartment to make my way back to mine. Thankfully, Mary MacDonald and not a strange first year were sitting down in the compartment.

Today, Mary's hair was her natural light brown. Since third year, when she had perfected multiple hair charms, she changed her hair every month. It was a bit of a plea for attention, she had admitted to me. She had always felt as if she was in people's shadow, a wallflower. Despite her hair, she still clung to her shy tendencies. Mary talked quickly, as if she just wanted to get words out in order to go back to closing her mouth. She rarely got mad, instead she got frustrated. I had never known Mary to yell or shout.

Today, she looked a bit scared.

When I pushed open the compartment door, she flung herself at me, her slim arms wrapping around me.

"Hey Mary," I said as I hugged her back. "You all right?"

"Fine," She gasped out, "Just a bit on edge."

"Understandable," I added as I sat down on the seat across from her, stretching out my legs.

We sat in a blissful silence for a few minutes as the Hogwarts Express let out a few warning sounds. The compartment door slid open and Dorcas Meadowes stepped in. Mary, as the sight of her, pulled her legs closer to her and tried to scrunch farther away from Dorcas.

Dorcas Meadowes and I had been friends since we were nine, but enemies first. Dorcas' mum and mine had been friends in Hogwarts and had hoped that by pushing us together, we would relive their own friendship. Our first encounter had ended up with three broken China dolls and more than a few bruises. Eventually, seeing as we would constantly be brought together, we made peace and slowly formed a friendship. There was a fire in her blue eyes as she sat down fiercely next to me.

"And good morning to you too," I said.

"Shut it Mckinnon."

"Is nothing right with anyone anymore?" I said as I thought of Lily's angry face.

Mary opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it. Dorcas raised an eyebrow, "Something to say Macdonald?"

"No, nothing at all."

"What a surprise. Mary still hasn't grown a spine."

"Shush Dorcas, we get it. You're a raving bitch, but you can at least keep your mouth shut," Lily said as she opened the compartment door and slammed it hard, almost as if she wanted to shatter the glass.

"Something crawled up your bum and died?" Dorcas asked, an amused smile on her face at Lily's unpleasantness.

Lily returned the comment with a glare.

"Honestly Dorcas," Lily said, pronouncing the name sharply, "I could ask the same of you," She said fiercely through gritted teeth.

"All right you two," I said with a sigh, feeling like a mother between two quarreling siblings, "Dorcas, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything."

Lily scoffed, "Dorcas the mute. How relieving."

Dorcas opened her mouth to make a snappy retort but I shot her a look.

"Lily, honestly you could try to be a little nicer or at least explain what's got you into this mood."

She returned this statement by looking out the glass window, arms crossed, lips set in a stern line.

Dorcas scoffed, "I'm going to go find other, more interesting compartments."

Lily sniggered, "Marlene's your only friend."

Dorcas opened her mouth to retort, but found that Lily was in fact right. Instead she walked out the compartment slamming the door with enough force that I was sure the glass would've shattered.

"I'm going to sleep," Mary announced timidly, and Lily nodded wearily, pulling out her Charms book.

"I'm talking a walk," I announced after Lily had flipped through ten pages quickly with seemingly no purpose. The two nodded and Mary rested her head against the seat again.

Dorcas was leaning in the hallway.

"I hate your other friends," She commented as I leaned against the wall she was against.

"You hate everyone."

"I don't hate you."

"Name someone else."

She paused in her thinking, and then smiled a bit as if she had solved the world's greatest mystery, "I don't hate my mum."

"Sometimes," She added.

"Why do you hate everyone?"

She rolled her eyes in an exasperated fashion as if she was so tired of this question, "You can never trust people. I'm obligated to trust you because we've known each other for so long. Plus you're just…Marlene," She added.

"Well isn't this touching?" The compartment door that we were resting against slid open and James Potter's face showed through.

"Figures we'd be in front of their nosy group," Dorcas said.

"Nosy? Breathtakingly handsome, intelligent, strong, athletic…" James said as he listed the Marauders' characteristics.

"Let's not forget the great amount of modesty you possess. I'll see you later, I can't breathe with their egos taking up all the room," Dorcas said as she hurried down the train corridor.

"Lovely girl that Dorcas Meadowes."

"Be nice."

"Aren't I always?"

I smiled despite myself and embraced James.

"You prat, we live a block away from each other and you never made time for me."

He clucked, "Time runs both ways."

"You're constantly playing Quidditch."

"You could too! In fact you might actually need a bit of practice…" I elbowed him in the ribs.

"That's all right James, I deal with the insane Quidditch captain for the majority of the year. Summer's a break from him."

A few laughs came from the compartment and my eyes darted around James' tall frame to the inside of the compartment where the infamous Marauders were lounging around.

"Want to come in?" James asked and I shrugged, coming in and sitting on a bench next to Remus.

"Princess," Sirius Black greeted lazily as he lit a cigarette and brought it to his lips, blowing smoke easily as if it was second nature.

"Black," I returned, "Lupin, Peter."

They both nodded at me in acknowledgment.

"So how's Evans? Still raging? What'd you do now Prongs?" Sirius asked, in between smoking, an amused tone in his voice.

"James," Remus added exasperated, "What'd you do?"

"I didn't do anything! Whatever's crawled up that bird's bum isn't my fault!" James protested, raising his hands in justification. Peter's face fell as if he was expecting some great epic about James' misdoings and deeds.

"I'm sure you'd like to crawl up her-" an elbow in the ribs cut off Sirius' inappropriate train of thought from Remus.

I knew that James had admired Lily for a long time now. In the beginning, he liked pranking her more than he liked her, for she had a very irritable manner and got angered easily. Later, his feelings developed into what Lily dubbed, "false, disgusting puppy love." Now, his eyes did not even shine when we mentioned Lily. I had the assumption that he had given her up, just like everything that did not become putty in his bare hands.

_(2:30 P.M. September 1__st__ 1977)_

I had returned to my compartment with Lily and Mary. Lily had calmed down considerably and was slowly becoming the Lily everyone knew and loved. Mary was awake, and we were passing around a considerable amount of candy from the trolley.

"Circe," I said absentmindedly as I threw the chocolate frog card into the middle where a pile was growing.

"Dumbledore," Lily supplied as she lay down on the long bench.

"Morgana," Mary says as she tossed it in.

After a few seconds of lethargic eating of chocolate frogs, I pipe up.

"So Lily, care to mention what got your knickers in a twist this morning?"

Lily's body tensed up but then she let out a resigning sigh.

"It was Severus."

This time, Mary and I both sat up.

"Oh Lils," Mary said as she scooted near her. I sat next to her, placing a comforting arm around her shoulders.

"I thought he was going to apologize, but instead he just called me more names. I think he was trying to prove something to his friends."

Mary stiffened. She knew all about when Slytherins wanted to prove what they could do in front of their friends.

"It's all right though," Lily said, holding her head up, letting her long red locks tumble down her back, "I've given up hope for him."

I nodded solemnly, "It's for the best."

She snapped, "How do you know that? I don't see you friendly with any of the Slytherins? Or do you just assume? You know, everyone in Gryffindor just assumes the worst of Slytherins."

"I didn't mean it like that!" I cried out in my defense, "Just that he's hurt you so much it's better that you don't leave yourself in his friendship."

She bit her lip and then slowly nodded and wearily slumped down in her chair, "Yeah, you're right. Sorry I snapped at you."

"Here," I said as I handed her a piece of Honeydukes finest chocolate, "this'll make you feel better."

It was a lie though. If chocolate could make you feel better, could make you happy, I should've been about ten pounds heavier. Mary and Lily both shared knowing looks, as if they knew that this was not the truth. But of course they did, for we were teenagers and not children.

_(6: 45 P.M. September 1__st__ 1977)_

_There was a screaming. It was my screaming and it was so defeaning to my ears that I willed myself to stop, but I found that I couldn't. My throat was growing hoarse. A crowd was forming around us and I had a need to just run away, to tear through the crowd and leave behind everything. Slowly the screaming became a gargled cry and all I could do was let the tears fall into his hair. There was blood that covered my favorite white dress. _

_ "Marlene! Marlene!"_

"Marlene!" My eyes snapped open and Lily was looking down on me, hands on her hips.

"We're here. At Hogwarts," She supplied, as I looked dazed around my surroundings.

"Oh."

She looked at the uniform I had changed in, her eyebrows raising just the tiniest bit at the skirt that was just a few inches above the knee, the shirt that was buttoned up far more than it usually was, the makeup-less face. She seemed to remember her letter where she was going to talk to me on the train. The changes in me had not hit her until now.

"Later," She said finally, confirming the time that we'd talk. The thing about Lily was that she always believed that diplomacy was the answer. That by talking, things would get solved. But some things were beyond talking. Some things were too complicated, too muddled to unsolved just by letting out a string of words.

_(7:15 P.M. September 1__st__ 1977)_

After nearly having to ride in a carriage with a few snobby Ravenclaws who turned their noses up at the sight of me when I opened the door, I eventually found an empty carriage and fell into it, lying down. It was not near bedtime, and yet a wave of exhaustion ran over me. The carriage door opened again, and I wearily opened my eyes to see Dorcas Meadowes entering.

"Off," She commanded and without even waiting for me to move my legs, she pushed them off of the bench and sat down without a second word.

To many, Dorcas Meadowes was an inexplicable bitch. To me, Dorcas Meadowes was a pureblood that hadn't learned how to let people in. Her mother was a good woman; my mum often spoke highly of her. However, like many pureblood marriages, her parents were forced into marriage and her father was less than a good person. He had beat Dorcas' mother for every misdeed Dorcas had done as a naïve child and later when she was only a toddler, he beat her too. Dorcas Meadowes did not know how to trust. If even her own father had turned against her, then petty teenagers who roamed the hallways of Hogwarts surely would. She had learned, that if she was not in control, that if she did not have power, she would get hurt. And so she had learned to always harness power and to always be commanding.

"Lovely to see you too," I said as I sat up and brushed my hair away from my face.

"It's always lovely to see me. Haven't you heard? I'm stunning," She said with a nonchalant straighten of her spin, a tilt of her chin, and a flip of her long blonde curls.

"I don't know why you always complain about the Marauders' egos, when yours is plenty big too," I added as I mocked her hair flip. She scowled and went back to looking out the window.

"Oh look, there's your little friend Macey and Daisy."

"There aren't any girls in Hogwarts named Macey or Daisy."

She shrugged, and I looked out the window to see Lily and Mary walking along the path.

Dorcas did it often. She did it purposely in a power play. If she forgot your name, you were unimportant and therefore irrelevant. She hadn't forgotten my name since we were nine.

"I really hate Flora," She commented.

"Flower names, clever Meadowes."

"Does she always have to pretend she's always perfect? Isn't that exhausting?"

"Lily's not perfect."

"Could've fooled the entire Hogwarts population. She's such a fucking cliché. Perfect smart bookworm who becomes prefect and then Head Girl. By the end of the year, I swear if she doesn't take down her perfection mask once, I'll make her."

"Doe…" I said, my voice taking a warning tone, "First off you're being unnecessarily mean. Second off, she would have no reason to pretend to be perfect. She's Lily Evans. She's charismatic, everyone loves her."

Dorcas raised a wary eyebrow, "Who says she doesn't have a reason to be perfect? Who says charisma isn't all part of the act? Everyone has a flaw, a secret they want to hide. You of all people know that," She added dryly. She sighed and for a second her own mask crumbled.

Dorcas Meadowes was a hypocrite for accusing Lily of wearing a mask. Dorcas Meadowes may have claimed that she was a "bitch of the highest bitchiness" when in reality she was a girl whose childhood was stolen, and therefore had her heart frozen.

_(7:50 P.M. September 1__st__ 1977)_

It was now the seventh time a hungry growl had come from the Marauder's general direction and McGonagall had since developed a murderous gaze. I could see Dorcas rolling her eyes from the Ravenclaw table and Lily expressed her condescension similarly with a scowl as she began picking at her cuticles. Each time a low growl came from the table, Sirius was unable to contain his bark-like laughter, and each time McGonagall's glare grew sharper and the Slytherins eyed him with a hint of disgust. I turned my attention back to the Sorting Hat as "Wagner, Cora" was sorted into Gryffindor. I let out a whoop for good measure and the first year blushed as she sat down on the bench. Eventually, "Zinke, Avery" was sorted into Hufflepuff. Dumbledore stood up to make his speech, addressing the typical things, warning the first years and all students not to get into any trouble, a familiar twinkle in his eye as he raised his cup to the Marauders, who beamed with pride. They grinned lazily as if being recognized for their trouble-making ways was of the greatest honor.

"I would like to introduce our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor," Dumbledore said as he gestured to a tall looming figure seated at the table. He had long stringy black hair, a face of angles, and eyes that were fit to kill that skimmed over the room. I shuddered as they grazed past me. His form dominated the table as he nodded at the recognition. "Professor Garwell."

"That position's cursed," Mary said as she leaned over to whisper to me. I thought it was a bit silly to believe in superstitions, but nodded anyway. It was true that he was our fourth Defense Against the Dark Arts professor to teach us.

"And now, please feel free to dig in," Dumbledore said concluding his short and simple speech, raising his glass again before sitting down.

_(9:00 P.M. September 1__st__ 1977)_

Every welcome back feast ended this way. People felt warm, felt at home, felt a sense of belonging and fullness (and not just from food). I rubbed shoulders with Mary as we made our slow trickle out of the Great Hall towards our dorm. Lily had rushed ahead of us, having volunteered to lead the first years with Remus.

"Typical Lily," I thought, and my mind flashed back to Dorcas' words about Lily placing a mask of perfection over herself. What did Lily possibly have to hide?

"You all right?" Mary asked, shaking me out of my thoughts.

"Oh, yeah fine," I said with a shaky smile, "Weirdly exhausted though."

"We'll be at the dormitory soon," She offered with a comforting pat on my shoulder.

"Brill."

Eventually, we made our way up the stairs, grouped together with the other Gryffindors who were also heading to the dormitories.

The Marauders were standing in front of us and kept jostling each other, so much so that I was sure that one of them was going to tumble down and bring me down the stairs as well. Another surge of exhaustion ran over me and I gripped the banister tightly, my knuckles turning white. What was wrong with me? It was only 9:00 and on the first day of school, I was usually so energetic that I fell asleep around 3:00. I sucked in a deep breath and my grip tightened.

"Marly?" Mary's voice echoed in my head and my vision swam. Her voice was becoming more distant and I began to sway.

"Whoa Mckinnon," I heard a voice say and Sirius Black's arms were suddenly around my waist, "I know I'm charming and all, but honestly the saying 'sweeping someone off their feet' does not apply when the person is on a very tall flight of stairs."

"Here give her to me," I heard James command, and my weary body was placed in James' arms.

"Where are you going?" Peter asked.

"Pomfrey, where else? This isn't normal. People don't just pass out on the staircase, do they?" James snapped at Peter. Part of me could picture Peter wincing at the harsh rebuttal.

"I'm coming with," Mary said and her footsteps too sounded.

"No, you're not. Sorry Macdonald, but honestly I'm dropping her off at the Hospital Wing. Pomfrey won't let any one stay at this late of an hour. It's best if you just head up. Whispers sounded around us and I knew that we had gathered a crowd.

"Marls?" James asks as the whispers fell farther and farther away and his footsteps grew louder. I wanted to sleep.

"What James?" I croaked as I tried to get as comfortable as I could. I was so tired.

"Stay awake Marls. I have no idea what's wrong with you but I highly suspect that this is not a natural thing. Just stay awake. Listen to my voice."

"I don't want to. You're boring."

He chuckles, "Thanks for your honesty. Stay awake though Marlene."

I gave a murmur and then my eyelids finally shut, giving way to the immense exhaustion I felt.


	2. Chapter 2: Heroines

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I do however own some leftovers in my fridge. Perhaps J.K. Rowling and I could make a trade?

Chapter Two: Heroines

_"We like the wrong sorts of girls, they wrote. They are usually the ones worth writing about." ~Catherynne Valente_

_(Brutal Honesty)_

Lily Evans was a smart girl. Most would even go so far as to say that she was the smartest girl in the year. And yet, in that same way, Lily Evans was a bit daft. Sure, she could master almost any spell in a matter of hours or brew a potion without breaking a sweat, but when it came to people, Lily Evans was nearly as dumb as a rock.

Yet, in this circumstance, she was in her area of expertise. She marched along the shelves of the library with purpose. Whenever Lily had a sense of purpose, she was able to block things that she did not want to feel, letting her goal be the only thing on her mind. She dragged books and books off the shelves and sat down, flipping through with such speed, a first year a few tables away was sure that Lily would hurt herself with a paper cut. Across the table, a chair screeched as it was pushed away, and only after a few more pages, did Lily look up.

There was no doubt in anyone's mind that Dorcas Meadowes was beautiful. Lily thought bitterly of why people assumed that beauty was equated to good, when there were people like Bellatrix Black and Dorcas around. Although, she supposed, that Dorcas wasn't exactly evil, yet she wasn't approachable at all. Dorcas was easily much lighter than Lily (much to Lily's chagrin), and yet Lily could not help but feel a bit of fear as she looked at the girl.

"Ethans," Dorcas greeted her. A surge of annoyance rose in Lily. She loathed that Dorcas never said her name right. She loathed that she loathed it.

"Hullo Darcie."

"Someone's annoyed."

"Why do you never say my name correctly? L-I-L-Y. Four letters, as easy as that."

An amused smile broke through Dorcas' face, "Why should you care? Always hoping that someone will remember your name? Is that an attention thing, just like how you strung Pottie for years? Well face the facts, in a few years, you'll probably be dead because the death eaters murdered you and people won't remember your name."

Lily scowled, yet the words rung in her ears.

"Leave Meadowes."

She arched an eyebrow, "The thing is Lilian, Marlene's sick. And all right, so you may not be the prettiest girl in our year," Lily crossed her arms and wondered why she was even listening, "And you're definitely not the most athletic," Lily's frown deepened, "In all honesty, and as you know I have no qualms about being brutally honest here, you're really just an attention-seeking book worm. Although I will give you snaps for defending yourself. At least you've got a spine."

"What," Lily murmured through gritted teeth, "Are you trying to accomplish here?"

"Patience, Lacey," Dorcas said calmly, seeming relaxed, "Look. Marlene's my closest friend."

"And only friend," Lily muttered under her breath, causing a harsh glare to be sent her way.

"And right now, she's really sick. Pomfrey is busy sorting out some prank gone wrong. It could be any sleeping curse or potion in the book. Dumbledore is away, for whatever reason. And all the teachers are too busy preparing their lessons to check on her."

"Meadowes, I don't think you realize that I was already checking on whatever has afflicted her before you oh-so-rudely barged in and continued to insult me."

"Yes, I was there," Dorcas, said without a hint of apology.

Lily huffed, "Well just stay quiet and let me read and look. You take that pile, and we'll sift through this together," She winced a bit at the word "together". Dorcas and Lily, she thought dismally, what a very unusual pair.

* * *

"Anything?" Dorcas asked as if the information would've come to her in the few seconds that had passed when she asked the same thing.

"Dorcas," Lily said, her patience wearing thin, "I'm not Marlene. I do not have the patience of a person who has tolerated James Potter her entire life or been friends with you. Don't treat me like I am. I require that you do not speak again while I'm researching."

"I don't know why you bother ordering me around. You know it'll never work."

Lily seethed, and Dorcas leaned back in her chair with a satisfied sneer, picturing smoke coming from Lily's fiery hair. She bent her head back down to read.

"I found something," Dorcas murmured, "It's…a History of Magic lesson. Ugh, what a snooze. It's called Sleeping Beauty. At least it's got an interesting title."

Lily snorted, "That's not a history of magic lesson, it's a Muggle fairytale."

For once, Dorcas Meadowes was stumped as to what Lily meant.

"A fairy tale is basically a Muggle equivalent to stories like the Warlock's Hairy Heart and Babbity Rabbity and her Cackling Stump," Lily explained without even looking up, having snatched the book from Dorcas.

"Then why is it in the History of Magic _textbook_?" Dorcas returned.

"Because…" Lily trailed off as she continued reading, "It's here. What we've been looking for is here," Lily said as she pointed to the page, her eyes glowing with a light that came to them when she had accomplished something. Her smile grew, and she became relieved.

"Marlene's going to be okay," She thought and let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding.

And across from the table, Dorcas Meadowes ducked her head to hide her smile with her hair. She didn't let anyone see it, but she was relieved. Dorcas did not have any friends, just the one. And without her, she would be completely alone. She may have put up a front that she was perfectly all right on her own, warding off anyone who dared venture too close to her, but she knew that if she was alone, she would go mad.

_(Sleuths)_

It's truly interesting how the small moments can shape one's life. If something had occurred on November 7th 1963 that required Dorea Potter to fulfill her Auror duties, Marlene Mckinnon and plenty of other stories would've been drastically different. But, as it was, November 7th 1963 turned out to be a relatively non-eventful day.

Because of that, Dorea Potter was able to witness her son, James, dangle a house elf from her ankle. And furthermore, she punished James to de-gnome the Potter's large garden. James, being mischievous as he was, hurried away and stumbled upon a small playground in a park with a small girl. He found her, perched on a Quidditch broom, struggling to hold a Quaffle with her four-year old arms. He offered to help. It was only later, as the two were reminiscing, that James discovered Marlene had been teased by Marcell about Quidditch and ran to her safe haven to practice.

It was that small moment that gained Marlene one of her best friends. It was that small moment that made them almost like siblings. And it was that moment that James Potter was currently turning over.

"Prongs, are you even listening?" Sirius asked, leaning his chair on the back two legs with ease.

"No," James shot back, causing Sirius to frown.

"What's on your mind, Prongs?" Peter asked, leaning forward.

"It's Marlene."

The other two Marauders nodded (Remus was studying elsewhere, anticipating that if he went with the Marauders he'd get nothing done), knowing full well that James may have been a brother to them, but he was also a brother to Marlene (although goodness knows that she didn't need another brother).

"About that," Lily Evans said, as she broke the silent atmosphere. She sat down at the table, a heavy book in her arms. She dropped it unceremoniously onto the table, causing the Marauders to wince. Following her example was Dorcas Meadowes, who caused even Sirius and James to shudder at her presence.

"I found something," Lily declared, her eyes shining. She paused, as if she were prepared to hear well-earned applause, and scowled inside when she didn't. Dorcas caught her eye with an amused smirk, and Lily felt as if she knew exactly what Lily had wanted and was thinking that Lily was an attention-seeker.

"Define what you mean by 'found something', because in all honesty, without any more context, you could simply be referring to finding something on the ground such as a nice knut or perhaps a strand of hair," Sirius said, and Lily found herself glaring at him fiercely, which he returned. Sirius had never liked Lily. It went without saying that Lily had broken James' heart before, and so Sirius took personal offense.

"I found something _about Marlene_," Lily clarified. At this, James' ears perked up and he looked at her intently.

"Read this passage," She instructed and she pointed her finger into the withering parchment so hard, that an indent was caused.

"That…that makes sense," James said as he breathed out a relieved sigh. Sirius snatched the book before James could go over it again and nodded. He passed it to Peter, who after read it, scrunched his forehead in thinking.

"In our year it could only be you or Snape who did it," Peter declared, addressing Lily. She paled at the mention of her old best friend.

"Snape doesn't have a grudge against Marlene," Lily argued, although she wasn't sure if she was defending him or not.

"That is true. Though don't plenty of seventh year birds have a grudge against her? What with her stealing their boyfriends and all?" Peter suggested. James' glare caused him to shrink.

"Marlene isn't like that. Those are all rumors," He defended her earnestly.

"Well, I'm telling Pomfrey. She's got to have a store of the cure. And even if she doesn't, I can brew it," Lily said, standing up, leaving the Marauders to bicker.

Dorcas watched her amusedly, before she stood up and left the table herself. Dorcas Meadowes had never met a person as defensive as Lily, and even she had to admit that perhaps, maybe just this once, she had met her match.

* * *

James Potter liked pranks. A muggle psychologist may say that it stemmed from his lack of respect towards authority, but the simple matter was that James liked pranks. He was so filled with life and vivacity, that he loved seeing laughter. If he wanted revenge, he wouldn't throw out his right hook like Sirius would (depending on the circumstances. Sometimes he'd be throwing the punches as well), instead he would prank them. Effective, yet very humorous for the public (but not so humorous for his detention sheet).

There weren't many besides the Marauders who played pranks. But when an especially good one came along and even McGonagall could not figure out the culprit, James would slowly solve the logistics until he placed the plan, piece by piece.

This time, he didn't like the prank at all. In fact he loathed it. Not only that, but he couldn't figure it out for the life of him. The anger bubbled in him, and he turned towards the wall of the corridor and punched it hard, ignoring the pain and the bruises that came with it. He ran his shaky fingers through his hair, and winced at the movement.

"Prongs? I heard something…" Peter trailed off as he glanced at James' bruised knuckles.

Peter Pettigrew was a lot of things. He was not dumb, nor was he unattractive. In fact, Peter was perfectly normal and average, but compared to his friends, he was the Marauder who didn't make sense.

"Prongs, we need to get you to the hospital wing," He said, guiding his friend towards the hospital wing. James did not put up a fight. He was completely compliant. As Pomfrey guided him to a bed, a strangled noise came from his throat as he passed Marlene's bed.

Marlene had been asleep for two days now. When he had come to visit her in the morning on Friday, the day after the Feast, she had seemed almost dead. In fact, that was his first impression. He'd nearly cried.

There's something infinitely sad about a boy, so close to being a man, crying. While sexist, there's a bit of truth lying behind the thought that men are support. They're supposed to be there to hold one when they need to, offer a shoulder. But when one cries, there's something wrong in the world.

Pomfrey sent Peter away, claiming that company wouldn't be good for James at the moment. She gave him a calming draught. His nerves soothed, he lay there for what seemed like hours, or perhaps it was minutes. In the hospital wing, time worked a bit differently. It usually stretched for hours on end. Nothing happened, not really. Occasionally, someone would come in for a bit of pepper-up potion. But James just lay there. His mind blissfully quiet and unthinking. Lily Evans may have protested and said that it was that way frequently, but his friends knew the truth. James Potter had ideas and thoughts turning in his head at every moment, and he rarely let them stop.

"Hello Mckinnon. Do you need me to tend to you?" Pomfrey's voice filled the air, breaking James out of his trance. He looked up, glancing towards Marlene's bed, but she was still asleep. His eyes flickered to the doors. He saw Maxwell Mckinnon, marks of a fight evident in his bloodied face and torn clothing. As his own parents were Aurors, James knew that these were a result of the vigorous Auror training, likely supervised by Alastor Moody. He waved her off and stood near Marlene's bed.

"Max," James murmured and Max's eyes instinctively shot towards James. He managed a small smile.

"Hullo James. How are you?" He asked, but James knew that he never really wanted an answer. Maxwell had his focus on his sister.

"She's going to be all right, Mr. Mckinnon," Pomfrey said, bustling over to where Maxwell stood. She glanced at his frame, her lips forming a frown at his muddy footprints, "I already administrated the Wiggenweld potion."

His face went through a series of expressions. First surprise, then confusion, and finally anger.

"That's the remedy for the Draught of Living Death, isn't it?" His voice drawled out, but in his voice, there was a tension. It was the tension of a lion before he sprung and attacked.

"Yes, Mr. Mckinnon," Pomfrey found herself stuttering, and James realized he would've too, had he been in her place, "The staff is working to find the culprit, but currently Dumbledore is on…business." The last word she whispered, and James watched as the clench of Maxwell's jaw loosened. He nodded.

"Are any of your other brothers coming?" Pomfrey asked as an afterthought, her eyes darting towards the closed doors.

"No, they're at the ministry," Maxwell smiled dryly, "If you can still call it a ministry," He added under his breath.

They all waited. It was a half an hour before Marlene's eyes opened and James let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

_(The Awakening)_

There was darkness and I was submerged in it. It was like drowning, but without water. Deeper and deeper I plunged. I struggled to breathe, even though I knew I could. It was as if something had grabbed a hold of me and continued to drag me down. Eventually, the grip loosened, before it fell away completely, and I kicked and struggled my way back to the top, where I let out a gasp of air and my eyes fluttered open.

There was stone, there was light, and there was my brother. He lifted his head from his hands and called out to Madame Pomfrey. And then James entered my sight and in that moment, everything was all right. I'm no longer drowning; I'm no longer lost in the shadows.

I cough, and someone brings water to my lips and all of sudden a feeling of dizziness sweeps over me until I have to sink back into the pillows.

"Take it easy Miss Mckinnon," Pomfrey said as she helped me back into the pillows. A feeling of helplessness arose in my chest and I made a sound of protest.

"Same old Marley," Maxwell said affectionately and he rumpled my hair.

"I sense relief in your voice, were you actually worried about me?" I teased, and Max rolled his eyes.

"Course we were," James said after clearing his throat. I couldn't have hid the smile that came over me if I wanted to. A serious expression takes a hold of Maxwell's face and he glanced at a patronus, which stands beyond the Hospital Wing doors.

"Duty calls. I'll see you later Marlene. Glad you're okay."

It was like a switch had flipped in Maxwell. He had gone from my brother to my brother, the Auror.

I sighed and James piped up, "Well hey, at least you have my lovely company."

I bit back a laugh, "Of course, it'd be a bit nicer if your ego wasn't so suffocating."

He laughed too. We both knew that despite what Lily said, James' ego wasn't as large as she made out.

"How are you?"

"Oh, absolutely, stunningly lovely. The poison in this year's Welcome Back Feast was a pleasant surprise."

His laugh ran through the otherwise silent Hospital Wing before silence once again fell over them.

"I haven't talked to you in a while. You didn't really write during August."

"I didn't talk to anyone in August."

"Any particular reason?"

"None to worry your head about."

"You can tell me anything, you know that right?" His words came out uneasily, unsure.

"Course. Doesn't mean I'll _actually_ tell you everything."

"Why not?" I squeezed my eyes shut, ignoring the pitiful kicked puppy voice that James was using.

"You don't tell me everything."

"That isn't fair."

"Life isn't fair. War isn't fair. School isn't fair."

"You don't sound all right."

"I'm not all right. But I'm okay," I whispered, "Sorry, I know I'm being rude to you. It's just…a bit jarring to be poisoned on my first day back and not know why. Also, I'm a bit nervous about classes. I still haven't talked to McGonagall about which classes I'm taking."

"Oh you'll be all right Marls, you're a clever girl."

"Says the boy who got 8 O's."

He shrugged, but a smirk came across his face nevertheless.

"What do you even want to be?" I asked him.

"An Auror," He said without an ounce of hesitation, "Partially because of my parents, but also because it seems that there's a drop in Aurors these days and they need all the people they can get."

"When did this new development happen?"

"Since I started reading the Prophet."

"I didn't know you could read."

He snorted, "Shush you."

I laughed, and for once, things felt as if they were beginning to go back to normal.

* * *

McGonagall possessed a stare that made even James flinch. And currently, that stare was directed towards me.

"Care of Magical Creatures, Herbology, Transfiguration, Defense against the Dark Arts…all fine," She said, skimming through my O.W.L. results. I had gotten E's in each of them (some of them, just barely by one or two questions) and one O in DADA.

"I was pleased by your Transfiguration grade," She commented, "you're quite good at the spell work and I know you have the ability to will things into other things since you are quite persistent. You have some trouble with the essays and theories, do you think you can handle the course work?"

"Yes, Professor," I nodded. This year would be different.

"You have two A's in Potions and Charms, and yet you applied to be in both. How do you think you'll fare?"

"A-All right," I murmured, "I'm trying to be better about school work this year, reforming and all that."

She nodded gravely, "I'll let you take both, however I suggest you drop Care of Magical Creatures in exchange. And if your grade in either classes drops below an A, seek help or else I'll consider pulling you out."

I nodded gratefully and accepted the class schedule. I hurried out of her office, heading down to the Great Hall for breakfast. I had been out during the first day of classes, but received a copy of notes from Lily. McGonagall had requested that I come to her office early in order to sort out my class schedule, and I found that I was now the only one at the Gryffindor table, save for a third year boy.

I suppressed a yawn, and drank my cup of Wizarding coffee. Wizarding coffee, a bit like wizarding cigarettes, were very similar to their muggle counterpart, but only a bit stronger due to the added magic. I pulled a piece of parchment from my bag and began writing my brothers about my class schedule. Once done, I blew on the ink, pulling out other pieces of parchment, and performing a spell that copied the contents of the first letter to the others. It was spell Lily had discovered, which would copy material from any resource to another. Handy for copying down instructions for potions, or sometimes in Mary and my case: Lily's essays. I tucked the letters into my bag and prepared for the new year.

It would be different.

At least, with the help of my (apparent) persistence.

* * *

Maddox had been sending me letters of congratulations and studying tips each day for a week now. Some were useful, but sometimes I wanted to smack him.

"Go to the library. Unless you're allergic to reading and knowledge, which sometimes I still think you are."

"There's this concept called studying. You should try it sometime."

While Lily and Mary found his "witty and dry" humor quite hilarious, I was less than pleased. However, I did follow his advice to go to the library a bit more often. James, unable to find me, had somehow discovered me in the library, and was certain that I was Lily who had consumed Polyjuice potion in order to lure him into the library to somehow prank him or snog him.

Apparently he was not the only one surprised by my new studying habits. Lily was delighted, Mary had an air of quiet suspicion, and Dorcas was certain that I was becoming Lily Evans and could no longer associate with me. This grudge lasted for a day, before she realized that a day without any human communication wasn't as cheerful. McGonagall was pleased as well. James helping me understand theory had improved the quality of my essays and I knew that she was monitoring my marks. Regrettably, there were quite a lot of marks. The teachers seemed to have no qualms about loading us with essays and warnings of future graded assignments. It was because of these afore-mentioned essays and tests that Lily had managed to drag Mary and I out of bed and out to the bank of the Black Lake on a weekend in the morning, nonetheless.

I had transfigured a broken branch into a silver chalice, and was currently practicing the Aguamenti charm. Once we succeeded in doing it ten times continuously, Flitwick had told us to write an essay on the theory, usage, and for extra credit: uses of the spell historically. After two hours, my essay was nearly finished, and for the sake of earning as much extra credit as I could, I was flipping through the book Lily had used for her essay on historical usage.

"The Aguamenti spell was used secretly by witches and wizards who formed together in the fourteenth century for the purpose of putting out the witch burnings," I murmured as I wrote the sentence down. The startling crunching of leaves startled me and I cursed as my inkbottle overturned onto my red and gold Gryffindor sweater, staining it. I performed a quick cleaning spell and bottled my ink, looking up to see the Slytherins, walking across. They were a daunting group, all of them were attractive and held a sanctimonious attitude that radiated ten feet from them. Even in the muggle world, people like that were dangerous. But add a wand and an affinity for the dark arts, and you got the Slytherins. They traipsed and they seemed to smirk even more prominently as they passed our group. Mary shrank against the tree, curling into my shadow.

The group was followed quickly by another, albeit smaller one. This time it was the Marauders. They were led by James, whose face seemed to betray the anger he had inside him.

"Oh no," I said as I shook my head, standing up to stop James before he did anything rash. I ran towards James, put a hand on his chest and stopped him. He gritted his teeth.

"Marlene, take your hand off of me."

"Stop it James, don't go seeking a fight."

"You don't even know why."

"Whatever it is, it's not worth it!"

"IT'S BLOODY WORTH IT!" His voice boomed across the Black Lake, and a silence fell. I winced at all the attention now directed towards us.

"Do you want to know why I'm seeking a fight?" His voice was lower, but still held all the ferocity of a tiger waiting to pounce, "Because _they_," he uttered the last word with disgust, "are the ones that poisoned you."

Applause broke the tension, and everyone's eyes shifted towards Bellatrix Black.

"Well done Potter," She said, her voice crawling with superiority, "I must say, you figured that out a bit quicker than we had initially thought. You must've been working alone, after all what use is my daft cousin to you?"

"Must be because of all the in-breeding," Sirius snapped back, not missing a step, "Although you'd know _all_ about in-breeding with purebloods, wouldn't you Bella?"

A seventh year Ravenclaw was slowly standing up as if to get a teacher, but was stopped as Lucius Malfoy sent a silent body-binding hex her way.

"Any one who _tries_ to even report this, will face the consequences," Alecto Carrow said.

"Why me?" I spat at the Slytherins.

"You're a dirty half blood whore and blood traitor who happened to steal Cissy's boyfriend last year. Also for a bit of fun and laughs," Bellatrix shot back easily.

"You're sick."

"So I've been told."

"I hope you rot in Azkaban."

"Enjoy your cell with Regulus," Sirius added, "although it'll be a bit hard to raise your children."

Rumors of intermarriage between purebloods often times held a bit of truth, but they were never mentioned out loud. To do so, even by a Gryffindor, seemed to violate an unspoken agreement about purebloods. The Slytherins drew their wands, and reflexively we drew ours as well.

Lily had been teaching me non-verbal magic ahead of time. I racked her words and advice.

_"Don't say the spell mentally. That doesn't work. You have to use emotion. Think about what you're trying to accomplish, don't focus on the spell itself. Focus on the emotion and the magic inside of you."_

Bellatrix smirked, and fire came curling out of her wand forming a circle around us. I heard Sirius curse as he took in the circle. A body binding charm came towards me and I set up my shield charm. I was on the defensive, feeling an increase in the difficulty of the spells as they came towards me. I bit my lip, struggling with the strength of the shield. They came faster and faster, some of them were very dark and others were complex.

It wouldn't be enough to be on the defensive. Peter, while reasonably good at defense, was already body-bound and struggling with it. It was a variation of the spell, and kept the person bound for a longer time, even if they knew the counter curse. My brothers had employed that on me for a while now. Remus was also on the defensive, and James and Sirius were a team, acting as defensive and offensive, trading off. I shot a simple hex, which startled Carrow, enough for him to pause, allowing Sirius to shoot a nasty stinging hex. It was a full on duel now, a flash of lights and occasional muttered curses.

Bellatrix landed a stinging spell on my leg and I gasped at the pain that arched through. I crumpled on a knee, the weakness causing me to be flung back onto the ground. I struggled and stood up.

Regulus Black seemed to have it out for me, and he sent a curse while I was still shaky that I barely managed to block. Spell after spell, and Regulus and I became immersed in our duel, that I didn't even notice that it was only Sirius and I battling now. James was struggling on the ground, but looked as if he wouldn't get up anytime soon. Peter had been struck down and was alarmingly close to the fire. Remus dangled by his ankle, unconscious, as a target for spells. I landed a spell on Regulus that knocked him out of the fighting.

Bellatrix disarmed me before I could even realize it and then I was pulled to their side. Lucius Malfoy held me with a wand digging into the flesh of my neck.

"The loyal half-blood whore herself," I struggled against the grip, but this was clearly a bad idea, as Narcissa Malfoy shot another painful stinging hex towards my wand arm. I bit my tongue to keep from crying out, refusing to give tem the satisfaction. Sirius had been disarmed and looked at the scene.

"Just…let her go and let us leave," Sirius finally managed.

"Take back what you said, bastard. If she gets hurt, it's your own fault. And unlike you, we have our pride to steal back."

"Take back the truth? Now why would I do that dear Bellatrix?"

"Take it back."

"And give what little pride you have back? Not a likely chance."

"You fucking bastard. Cruci-" Bellatrix began to say. My eyes widened in slight fear as I saw her wand turned towards me.

"Stop," Narcissa said, putting her hand across her sister's mouth, her own eyes wide, "I'm not losing a sister to Azkaban because of them."

Bellatrix reluctantly nodded and I was thrown to the ground roughly as she extinguished the flames. They headed towards the castle, heads held high.

* * *

"You'd think that at least one of them would've reported it," I said as I walked quickly to match James' brisk pace towards the Quidditch locker rooms.

"Be glad that no one did."

"Slytherin would probably get more points deducted," I pointed out.

"Just drop it, it was forever ago."

"It was four days ago, James."

"Marlene, it's Quidditch practice. Focus on Quidditch or for the love of Merlin, we're never going to win that cup."

I rolled my eyes and went to the bathroom to change. There weren't many girls who played Quidditch, which meant that the Quidditch changing rooms weren't separated by gender and the few girls who did play Quidditch changed in the bathrooms. Once into the Gryffindor Quidditch uniform, I joined up with the rest of the Quidditch team. Although James was only a sixth year, he had become the unofficial co-captain of the team and concocted plans with the real Gryffindor captain Richard Carter. Carter was a more quiet but diligent fellow whereas James was…bold, outright, and completely un-afraid to work the team into the dust, which was probably why James was currently shouting at the people who wanted to try out for the team.

We needed a chaser and another beater and a few reserves. In James' mind, this meant that the entire team had to endure the five hour long process of try outs. Although unlike poor Daniel Boot, the seeker, Sirius and I actually had something to do. Sirius was the other beater and James and I made up two thirds of the chaser section of the Quidditch team. Since those were the open positions, the other additions to the team would have to play well with us. After try-outs, James told the few left over that he'd post the results after thoughtful deliberation while Carter congratulated each and every one of them.

Sirius and I headed back to the common room, leaving James and Carter to decide the newest members of our team.

"So I had an idea."

"Shocker, and here I thought you were just a mindless pretty package."

"Don't tease, it's not flattering."

He rolled his eyes, "All right, what is your oh-so brilliant idea?"

"What if we started a dueling club? After the…Lake event, I thought that perhaps students could use some guidance in dueling in case they become targets."

"Not bad Princess, not bad at all," Sirius said as he turned the idea over in his head.

**A/N: Hey guys! Alison here! First, I'm going to say sorry for making you wait for so long! I hate authors who don't update for a month or even more and I can't believe I'm becoming one of them. I promise I'll be better about it, but I've been absolutely swamped with school. Peace offering of Draco Malfoy and Sirius Black? But I just finished school and you'll be happy to know that the first thing I pretty much did was outline The Butterfly Effect (I hadn't outlined before and was just going with the flow), worked on some character development, and wrote! Anyway, so as you may have noticed, my chapters are usually split into sections, separated by parenthesis. Yes, Marlene is the main character and I love writing for her in first person, but occasionally one of these sections will be third person. So just a heads up! Also, check out my profile. I share a writing account with my best friend Francesca. She wrote a really wonderful fan fiction called Moon Daughter, which I beta, and she betas The Butterfly Effect. Also thanks to Julie London, Luise, Mary Liz, Nonna Nitto, and a guest who reviewed my story! You guys absolutely made my day! Thanks to everyone else who faved or followed my story. You're the best! Also, check out my profile for my new chapter image. Will update soon. I swear on it!**

**Preview: **James Potter was absolutely insane and this moment was my irrefutable evidence.


	3. Chapter 3: Feuds and Hallucinations

Chapter Three: Feuds and Hallucinations

_"If your eyes weren't open, you wouldn't know the difference between dreaming and waking." ~Richelle Meade_

_(Formation)_

"Lily, we all know you like organizing and all that shit."

"Marlene!" Lily hissed as she looked around the library. She shot me a look that seemed to suggest that she was personally offended that I had cursed in her sanctuary.

"Don't even try to deny it. You live for organizing our revision schedules."

"That _doesn't_ mean I want to help form a club. Especially if _they_ are going to be in it."

"I don't know if you've noticed, but they're fair duelers."

"Duelists," Lily corrected.

"No difference."

"Is there a difference between can and can't?"

"Irrelevant."

"Completely relevant."

"Lily…last night you complained that you had nothing to do because you finished all your assignments. This isn't about you not having time for it."

She scrunched her face, "If I agree to help you, will you let me work on my conjuring charm essay in peace?"

"Course, as long as you help me with mine," I nodded as I took out my parchment and quill with a victorious grin on my face.

"Wipe that grin off, you basically cornered me."

"Oh really? That was _never_ my intention."

"And I never actually agreed to help you, considering you're not leaving me to work into peace. Some examples of conjuring spells include Serpensortia-"

"See, there's another reason you should help us. Slytherins bully everyone and this club could help the rest of us defend."

She paused, "And?"

"And let's face it Lily, you live for helping people."

"That's not true."

"You're basically a Disney Princess."

"How did you know about that?"

"My grandparents are Muggles, remember?"

"Oh, that's right. Which one's your favorite?"

"Stop getting off topic Lily, it only works with people with much less superior minds…Lily. You have a valid cause to curse out James."

Her quill stopped and she looked up, "All right, since you said that."

"Brill."

"Stop smirking like that."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're infuriating, did you know that? It must be Potter rubbing off on you."

"Probably."

* * *

McGonagall looked at our group from beneath her spectacles.

"I must say, I'm pleasantly surprised by your initiative. What sparked this idea?"

"It was Marlene's idea," Sirius supplied, and McGonagall's eyebrows rose as she took me in. It was no surprise that she seemed shocked. I knew for a fact that last year she was aware that the only extra-curricular I was involved in included dancing on the tables of the Gryffindor common room with a bottle of strong fire-whiskey. A sense of pride bubbled within me and I found myself quite enjoying the warm sensation. Perhaps this was why Lily was constantly in the library.

I cleared my throat, "I've just been witnessing some bullying around the school and I think that a dueling club would be helpful for those students as well as older students hoping to become Aurors and just for preparation…in general." I trailed off, thinking of the Prophet's articles today. 6 Muggleborns killed in their homes with a mysteriously dubbed "dark mark" floating above their homes.

"I agree with you on that Ms. Mckinnon. I fully support this idea and will talk to the other professors about their role in supervision. I assume you will help organize this club?" Her eyes were directed upon Lily, who nodded. "Very well, make sure to put up notifications on the boards in each common room and I will let you know when the first meeting shall occur."

McGonagall smiled at me, and as we left the room, James laughed as he threw an arm around my shoulders.

"Did you see that? McGonagall smiled at you! I haven't seen that one in a while. Do you think she's forgotten when you started stripping and throwing your clothes into the fir-"

I slammed my hand over his mouth.

"Excuse my best mate, he's an arrogant, pompous git with no sensitivity," Peter supplied.

I couldn't help myself as I laughed and even Lily smiled.

* * *

"It's a quaint idea," Dorcas said tonelessly.

"Quaint?"

"Yes, quaint."

"I'll never understand you."

"Yes, that's how I like it."

"If it's so quaint, then why are you coming with me to the meeting?"

"Quaint doesn't mean bad, you do realize that."

"I will give you that."

"And I'm coming with you because I've barely spent any time with you, factor in the amusement of watching people be cursed and you see the attractiveness of the idea. Plus I've been itching to turn Lily's head into a flower."

"That's not very nice."

"Then don't ask what I'm planning to do to Macdonald. And Potter. And Lupin. And Black. And-"

"You've proved your point. You're a cold, cruel bitch who hates the world."

"There you go, I swear, your brain has started working now. Must be a recent development."

I elbowed her in her skinny ribs, and she raised an eyebrow in annoyance. We pushed through the Great Hall doors and even Dorcas let out an impressed whistle.

"Congrats Mckinnon, guess a lot of people have taken a liking to your quaint idea."

I nodded and took in the stage that sat in the middle of the Great Hall where McGonagall and Garwell were pacing. When it seemed like there was no more trickle of students that came in through the doors, Garwell began speaking.

"Hopefully we all know the rules of dueling. You will bow to your opponent, walk away, and then turn and face your opponent," He said as he and McGonagall demonstrated, "I will count to three. On three you will begin dueling. Now who would like to volunteer as our first duel? Ms. Mckinnon?" I glanced up panicked, my conversation with Mary broken short.

"Ah, the founder of this quaint club," Dorcas shot me a satisfactory smirk, "You seemed to be paying attention," My panicked eyes definitely seemed to suggest that, "Why don't you hop on up here with…" He paused and scanned the crowd for someone else who did not seem to be paying attention, "Mr. Black."

Sirius looked up in a relaxed manner.

"Yes Professor?"

"Have you been paying attention Black?"

"Not at all sir. Your voice quite honestly puts me to sleep."

"Five points from Gryffindor. Now you will get up on this stage and duel Ms. Mckinnon."

"Gladly," He said with an amused smirk as he glanced up at me.

He hopped up with his long, lithe legs and walked to the center where I stood. We raised our wands.

"Nervous, Princess?"

"No cause."

"Sure about that?"

"Absolutely, I'm already bracing myself for the laughter that comes when you land on your face."

"Don't hold back Mckinnon, please."

"Oh believe me Black, I will be holding back, just to make sure that pretty face stays intact."

We walked to the different ends of the dueling platform. I got en guard and Garwell's voice began counting.

"1…2…3…"

Sirius shot the first spell non-verbally and I defended it. Like the Black Lake incident, it was no surprise that Sirius was an offensive person whereas I was a defensive person. However, that was my strategy. Play defensive until they got comfortable enough to believe that that was all I would do. Then shoot a spell.

He shot a few simple spells off at first. A laughing spell, Levicorpus, but they got stronger as we went along, descending into difficult hexes.

The first hex I shot off was the bat-bogey hex, which surprised Black enough to hesitate while he set up his shield. This pause was enough to send Furnunculus towards him, causing his otherwise handsome face to erupt into boils. I dodged a body-bind spell that came towards me. His pride was now wounded, and he sent dozens of spells towards me with a grim face and fervor. We continued this endless cycle of non-verbal magic.

"RICTUSEMPRA!" I shouted, causing Black to laugh so hard that he collapsed on all fours. My brothers had put me under the spell so much that I was hardly ticklish any longer, but I knew for a fact that it was difficult to think of a counter spell, especially when you were in stitches and couldn't think.

"You…" He gasped between laughs, "Win…" He added with tears streaming down his face. I took the spell off and smiled.

"Shake hands," McGonagall added, although I could tell she was slightly impressed. She took off the boil curse with a wave of her wand. We walked to the center, his face still set in a glare. He extended his hand and I reached over and grabbed it. It was warm and large and practically enveloped my own.

"Nice dueling, Mckinnon."

"You don't have to keep up the niceties. I know you're just waiting to get back at me for ruining your pride."

"Nah, after all I did let you win."

"Let's not kid around here. Perhaps someone in this school happens to be a better dueler than you."

We shook for a few seconds before we broke apart and jumped down the stage to each of our friends' groups.

"Impressive," Dorcas commented absentmindedly, "Although I don't think Death Eaters will respond well to being tickled."

"Probably not, but doesn't mean it's any less useful."

"Very good Mckinnon and Black," Garwell said, "Although, Mckinnon, you were on the defensive a bit too much. And Black, you were on the offensive too much. An excellent duelist would be balanced between the two. That was a good first example, 20 points to Gryffindor."

Lily met my eyes and smiled, "Now how about…Potter and Evans."

Even McGonagall seemed to think that was a bad idea.

* * *

"How else did you think that was going to go?" I asked with my arms crossed as I looked down onto the hospital bed.

"Pleasantly?"

"How hard did that hex hit you?"

"Pretty hard considering I'm in the hospital wing?"

"Why are you saying everything like a question?"

"I honestly have no idea?"

"At least she transfigured your head back. That was funny though."

"You weren't having your head enlarged."

"I'm pretty sure it was a metaphor for your ego."

"You're a cruel friend. Shouldn't you be stroking my wounded pride right about now?"

"Tough luck, Potter. That's not in my job description. But speaking of people stroking your ego, where are the rest of the Marauders?"

"Out," He said simply, "Which is where I'll be soon."

"Pomfrey told you to stay here for at least a few more hours."

"Since when have I listened to Pomfrey?"

"I'm staying with you to make sure you don't leave."

"A Galleon you fall asleep and when you wake you'll find me missing."

"Done. It won't happen. Prepare to pay up."

"You're exhausted Marlene."

"Thanks to Quidditch, prat."

"If you try to stay awake in this state, you're in for some really weird dreams."

"I don't have weird dreams."

"Yeah, we'll see about that."

* * *

I fell asleep.

"Agrippa," I cursed as I rubbed at my eyes and discovered Potter's bed to be empty. Frankly, I was surprised to see that Pomfrey hadn't noticed and hadn't kicked me out.

I could really use some Wizarding coffee, I thought, holding my heavy head. Being friends with James had its perks, and I headed to the kitchen. I was stopped halfway there. Walking down a hallway I noticed a peculiar group making their way down the corridor.

"Sweet Circe, James was right. This is the weirdest dream I've experienced," I murmured half-heartedly. A disembodied hand holding a wand was floating in the air followed by a large, elegant stag, a shaggy black dog, and on top of the stag sat a small rat. The stag paused and turned towards me. The entire group of animals and that one hand turned to face me and I swallowed as I took in the sight.

"Hallucinating, hallucinating," I muttered before I blacked out.

* * *

That morning I woke up to find myself in the Hospital Wing chair next to James' bed. I sat there in a daze for a while, before heading down to the Great Hall.

"Good sleep Mckinnon?" James asked, his mouth still full of food. The rest of the Marauders shared similar smiles of amusement.

"I-" I began to somehow try to explain last night's confusion, but instead reached into robe and pulled out a Galleon that I kept handy. I placed it firmly onto the table and headed back to the Gryffindor tower to change.

_(Feuds)_

* * *

_Dear Idiots That I Call Brothers,_

_Some very strange events have occurred this past week. As you know, it's now the first week of October, and you should all be very proud of me because my average in all my classes has been steadfastly at least an A. Thank you Maddox, for some of your purely unnecessary study tips. And no, I'm not allergic to knowledge and yes, I did try that thing called studying. I can see Marcell laughing at this right now, and may I just say that I don't recall your grades ever being this good, so please, kindly shut up and let me explain some very interesting developments._

_As you probably well know, Sirius Black and James Potter are best friends, brothers would be the more accurate description here. And no, Marcell, stop thinking the term "Mrs. Black." Actually all of you need to stuff it with that. Anyway, the two are on the outs right now. Which is obviously something that doesn't happen, otherwise I wouldn't be writing about it. And their feud has impacted more than I'd like about my life. But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself, let me start from the beginning._

* * *

Classes today were brutal. An examination in Charms, a practical in Transfiguration, and double Potions. I emerged from Potions late, after Slughorn had convinced me to help clean up. He asked me to join the self-named Slug Club, after he had heard about my duel with Sirius, which seemed to be enough to earn an invitation. I agreed half-heartedly to attend the next event in an attempt to leave the room. I began walking away from the dungeons when someone calling out my surname interrupted me.

"Mckinnon!"

I turned around to see Regulus Black, his arms crossed over his chest. I mirrored the action. Regulus was known as Sirius' little brother, but the two were made out to be quite different because of their houses. But I thought they were a bit similar. Not only in looks, but also because they seemed to have this grudging love for each other, where they'd both try to smother whatever warm emotions they felt towards the other but didn't succeed. They hid it well, though, with insults and fights.

"Yes Black?"

"Heard you and Sirius got into a duel. Trouble in blood traitor paradise?"

"For _clarification_," I said through clenched teeth, "it was for dueling club."

"Dueling club? Is that what they're calling shagging now?"

"Bugger off Black."

"Makes sense, doesn't it? Considering you're a tart and he's a whore."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Going to duel me? Speaking of duels, I will give you points for winning. But a death eater wouldn't lose that easily from a simple, tickling spell. And you know they're going to come after you with you and your dirty blood traitor blood."

"And you would know all about death eaters, wouldn't you?" I spat out.

"Actually, yes."

That froze me in my place and I glanced up at him before sputtering, "But…Sweet Circe, you're just a kid!"

It was true that Regulus was only a year younger than I was, and if someone had told me that I was a child last year, I would have hexed them. Yet, the thought of a boy of fifteen with his life littered with murder and darkness, shadows, and demons that would swarm it, made my heart go out to him a bit.

"So are you."

"At least I'm not a kid fighting on the wrong side!"

"And how do you know what side is the wrong one? Both sides kill. Both sides are shaping _kids_ into weapons. The winning side tells war stories and the 'wrong' side is always given a bad name. But don't forget Mckinnon, there are always two sides."

"We're not prejudiced."

"Aren't you? You seem pretty prejudiced against death eaters."

"Well at least there's cause to be!"

"And that would be?"

"You kill people for no reason other than their blood!"

"We kill people to keep the magical power strong. If your father had married someone of pureblood, you'd be much more powerful."

"I'd be a lot more unhappy. I think it's a fair trade."

"Two sides, Mckinnon. There are _always_ two sides."

Voices came from above the dungeon staircase, and we both glanced up only to find that Sirius Black was descending. He paused as he took in the sight. Regulus walked away and I began to go up the steps.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asked as he snatched my wrist.

"_Let go of me_," I said venomously, not in a pleasant mood. It was one thing for Regulus to insult me, it was another for him to say something that held truth in it.

"What were you doing, talking to him?" He said, his grip still strong.

"What are you doing down here?" I shot back evenly.

"I left my books in the Potions room."

"And I was discussing the delights of Pumpkin Juice with your brother."

"Tell me the truth."

"Why so curious?"

"He's my _brother_, Mckinnon."

"And?"

"You have brothers, Marlene. You may deny that you love them, but you care about them all the same."

"Touching, Black."

"Don't fool around Mckinnon."

"Fool around? Isn't that your job?"

"Can't you just answer the damn question and we can both go on with our lives?"

"Maybe the truth hurts."

"The truth always hurts. I've gotten used to it. Now what's the big secret?"

I looked down on the ground. There were a million things I could've said just then. I could've lied. I could've brushed him off and ran as fast as the wind. Instead, I pushed the domino over.

"I think your brother is a death eater."

"Th-That's not possible. He's a kid. What would Voldemort want with a kid?"

"I don't know Black! I don't know!"

"He's not a bad kid either…"

I let out a breath as his grip loosened, "I'm sorry Sirius. I'm sure I just misunderstood him."

There was a silence between us and I cleared my throat to fill it.

"Come on Sirius. Get your books and we'll go back to the common room all right?" I addressed him like a child, but he didn't seem to mind. He seemed lost, in need of instruction. He seemed as if he no longer had purpose. Then again, picturing any of my brothers as death eaters would send me spiraling out of control.

* * *

_Although I know that you lot are not of right mind, I do know that much is certain._

* * *

In that moment, I realized just how much Sirius kept locked away. He was darkness wrapped in a cheerful façade of normality. He nodded numbly and went down to the dungeons, emerging a few seconds later with his books in hand. We fell into step and walked into a corridor where we unfortunately discovered Snape talking to Regulus.

"Sirius-" I said when I saw that malevolent expression cross his face. "Don't do anything you'll regret."

Sirius ignored my warning and began to walk to Snape as Regulus left. They conversed for a few seconds and I looked on worriedly. As Snape left and Sirius began to walk back towards me I ran.

"What was that about?"

"He's finally getting what he deserves."

I realized that I definitely did not like the tone that he used.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't worry about it Mckinnon."

"Just because you have some sort of vendetta against him doesn't mean that he's somehow corrupting your brother, you realize that?"

"I told you not to worry about it Mckinnon."

* * *

_I hate it when people say things like that. It's as if they're suggesting: "Oh you're much too daft to understand. You're just a pretty little package and that's about it. You're fair at Quidditch, but you wouldn't understand complicated matters." So of course I did what any angry girl would do…_

* * *

"Fine," I muttered and walked away.

* * *

_Now, I know what you're thinking. I'm not an Occlumens, but right about now you're probably insulting me about my pettiness or immaturity or being a girl, or whatever. Perhaps you're insulting me for fun. I wouldn't be surprised. But let me tell you, the insulting is probably well deserved. Because walking away was a big mistake. The next morning brought about many more surprises…_

* * *

Most people don't place me as a morning person. It's mostly because last year, my mornings were spent over the toilet. But I actually am a morning person. It's enticing to wake up and watch the sun pour its light out onto the ground. It's a new start, as if the slate has been wiped clean. It's also a wonderful time to have a smoke.

James and Sirius were the ones to get me into smoking. The way they sat in the stone courtyard, long legs splayed, silver cigarette cases in one hand and an Every Flavour Cigarette, which were made by Bertie Bott's friend but were quite popular with wizards or young witches and wizards, in the other, helped them exude the type of confidence that every girl was drawn into, like moths to a flame.

And so this is where I found myself, perched in the stone courtyard at the crack of dawn, with an Every Flavour Cigarette in my right hand, in a right disarray with my brother's Gryffindor sweater over my rumpled pajamas. I took in one breath of smoke, the euphoria sweeping over me and giving me that familiar rush and tasting the deep, sensual chocolate smoke before letting it out and watching the dark brown cloud float away into the air. I took another drag and this time came sweet strawberries that rushed out in a puff of ruby red.

I liked cigarettes. They were seductively dangerous, perfect for risk takers. But they were also a bit of control, as if they gave you power over the length of your life. Of course you were making it shorter, but these days, life expectancy wasn't passing forty. And people like Regulus Black would probably be dead before their thirties.

Dorcas found me fifteen minutes and one cigarette later, arms crossed with a look of disapproval.

"Cig?" I offered, holding out my case.

She shook her head with barely mirrored disgust, "No thanks. Won't let myself become dependent on anything, least of all dangerous potions wrapped up in paper."

"Probably the most clever decision," I said as I took one last whiff. Coffee, how fitting. I stubbed it out onto the stone and transfigured the cigarette into a loose pebble.

"Scourgify," Dorcas said pointing towards my mouth, and I nodded in thanks, clutching my hoarse throat.

"Clothes?" Dorcas commented, looking at my outfit.

"It's the weekend. No one cares."

"They'll care when your shorts are riding up your arse."

I transfigured them into jeans with a flick of my wand. "Better?"

"Much."

"I'll have you know that I have a lovely arse."

"Whatever floats your boat Mckinnon. Or rather, unless your lovely arse is too heavy and you end up breakfast for the Giant Squid."

"Always the optimist Meadowes."

"I try."

"Course."

As we entered the Great Hall, Mary scrambled over to us. Dorcas looked down upon her and Mary flinched.

"Yes?" Dorcas asked.

"Stop being rude, Dorc," She huffed at her nickname.

"We lost _two hundred points_," Mary whispered, as if even saying it out loud would be a disaster.

"Serves you right. _Gryffindors_," Dorcas said in such a way that it seemed to be the worst insult that anyone could use.

Mary snorted delicately, "Also, Sirius Black has about three months worth of detentions."

"Again, I repeat, _Gryffindors_."

"Dorcas…If you don't have anything nice to say-"

"Go over to the Ravenclaw table and make fun of you lot without you two looking pitiful every time I insult your house."

"Come on," I said to Mary and we sat across Sirius. He looked surprised, but didn't say anything except pick at his food. Mary met my eyes questioningly. I turned back to Sirius, noticing just how unkempt he was compared to how he looked usually.

"I'm…sorry," I said uneasily, "about telling you about Regulus."

He chuckled, but it sounded sad and not very much like a laugh, "Believe me Princess, you're not the one who's due for apologies today."

And with that, he swung his legs over the bench and walked out of the Great Hall with hundreds of eyes following him as he left alone.

"What was that about?" Mary asked, her wide eyes turned towards me.

"I don't know, probably something to do with the fact that he's sitting away from the Marauders."

"That's…bizarre."

"Yeah, I think so too."

* * *

_Sirius was on the outs with James and the Marauders and it was absolutely abnormal. Just about the majority of the school asked the two parties what had happened. Merlin, I would've punched all of them. I still don't know what's gotten the two into a feud and you know that James is one of my best mates. It just got even more confusing when Mary and I stumbled upon a Marauder argument while going to the courtyard to soak in what little sun Scotland had to offer._

* * *

"I'm getting tutored in Potions."

"Why would you go and do something like that?" I asked Mary.

"I'm hopeless at Potions."

"You're best friends with _Lily Evans_."

"Your point being?"

"She lives to tutor."

"I thought you said that she lived to help people."

"That too."

"And fighting with James."

"That…is a different matter. Lily is a good person, and she bottles her emotions. James just happens to be her outlet."

"That's hardly fair to James."

"Yeah, it isn't."

"Do you hear something?"

I nodded and put my finger to my lips.

"Please go Sirius. I have an irresistible urge to punch you and your presence is only making it worse.

"Punch me then Moony."

"Don't call me that. Only the Marauders can call me that."

"So I'm out then."

"James kicked you out for good reason. Did you ever consider _me_? I've been struggling with this my _entire life_ and you make it worse. Can you imagine the sheer guilt? So what if it was _Snape_? So what if you think in some twisted way that Snape corrupted your brother, you didn't care what happened to me. I don't think I can ever forgive you. You may act and think like you're better than your family, but you're worse than all of the lot."

Remus walked away and Sirius stood there. He ran a shaky hand through his hair and closed his eyes. Sirius Black was a complex person, there was no denying it. What I didn't realize, was that Sirius was afraid of being inhumane. He was a bully and some part of him took a bit of sick pleasure in watching people tormented. Sirius was afraid to be like his family, and with Remus' words still echoing among the stone corridors, his worst fear had been realized. Part of me wanted to go to him, to tug him back from his dangling position on the cliff of humanity. But part of me knew that I might only make it worse.

So I did what I did best.

I walked away.

* * *

_It got worse, brothers. It really did._

* * *

There is an unspoken promise among the population that when your best mate is in a mood, you drop everything and you find them and you comfort them. And if they so happened to be James Potter, then you dragged them to the kitchens, asked very nicely of the house elves for a bit of fire whiskey, and you drank in some secret corridor until you became so pissed that you couldn't feel anything. And this was my intention as I hurried after James.

"James!" I called out as I ran towards him, "I've been looking for you for half an hour. It's been a good workout."

"What do you want?"

"I-I just wanted to see if you were okay," I said, taken aback.

"Do I look _okay_?"

"N-No, not really. But I can cheer you up, we can go down to the kitch-"

"I'm not really interested in dining with a traitor."

"Traitor? How am I a traitor?"

"I saw you sitting with Sirius this morning."

Anger filled within me. It was red and my temperature spiked. It was in both of us, I realized, and it played a game of tag, seeing who would snap first. Anger only wanted someone to end up hurt.

"James, stop acting like a fucking pre-schooler. Who cares if someone sits with another person? He looked lonely, probably considering his_ best friends_ ditched him!"

"You don't know anything, Mckinnon."

"Oh, last name basis is it? I see how it is _Potter_."

"Why don't you just go shag Sirius? That's what you've been doing for a while now, isn't it?"

"I'm not even going to _dignify_ that with a response! Don't take your anger out on me!"

"Seems well-deserved to me."

"Oh really? Explain that conundrum to me _Potter_."

"You're a whore."

"I am no such thing! You of all people know that!"

"I'm not done, Mckinnon."

"Oh yes, please continue your explanation of why I'm the most horrible person in this entire school."

"You meddle in things that are obviously not your business."

"To help bastards like you that I call my friends."

"You interrupt like hell."

"Because you're an incorrect pompous turd."

"You're a traitor and you and Sirius deserve each other."

"Not everything revolves around the bloody fucking Marauders. I get it that you and Sirius have your problems, but don't isolate me because of it."

"_Fuck off_."

"_Fuck you_."

* * *

_So basically, James and I were on the outs as well for something I clearly did not do. Which means my life was basically fantastic. Not._

* * *

After that, I stayed hidden in the library for the rest of the day, before coming into the common room at around 1:00 P.M.

"You're definitely late for curfew," The Fat Lady commented and I sent her a glare that made her raise her eyebrows.

"Well what's gotten into you?"

"Dignus." The door swung open and I found the common room empty. I swung into a leather armchair and rested my head. I would just warm up against the fire for a few measly minutes before going to the dormitory. Only when I looked up, I realized that the common room wasn't as empty as I initially thought.

"Sirius?"

"Princess," He said with a weak smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"Too much hostility in the dormitory?"

"Kicked out."

"They can't actually kick you out of the dormitory!"

"Apparently they can."

"I'm sorry," I supplied, at a loss for other words.

"Don't say that to me. I don't deserve it."

"James is being irrational. He just cursed me out earlier today."

"Why? You two are like siblings."

"Siblings fight, Sirius. You know that."

"You and James haven't fought since…fourth year or something."

"You and James haven't fought ever."

"First time for everything."

We were silent. He lay on the couch looking up at the ceiling with a blank stare. I looked into the fire.

"Do you…need an extra blanket or anything?"

"No. Good night Marlene."

"Good night Sirius."

* * *

_October snuck up on us. It crept on us quietly until it descended. The school wasn't the same though. Who knew that the Marauders could have so much impact on the student body? Everyone was thrown off by James and Sirius' feud. Even the teachers. McGonagall seemed absolutely lost without people to deduct points from. If there was anything the school could depend on, it was usually their lightheartedness and their friendship._

_We needed something to depend on now. You've seen the Prophet's headlines. Seventeen Muggleborns Killed. The Dark Mark Makes Another Appearance. Family Slaughtered. James was angry too. We hadn't made up, and I wasn't expecting it to happen soon. If he didn't make up in a week, then he would hold the grudge for a while. He threw himself into Quidditch. We had Quidditch practices twice a day. Sirius had to maneuver himself between the detentions and Quidditch practice. McGonagall had convinced Dumbledore for him to stay on the team, mostly because she liked to win and partly because it was much too late to redo tryouts. James has been yelling at us about the first match of the year. The big Gryffindor vs. Slytherin in November. Things were…tense to say the least. James didn't address Sirius. Or me. He whispered to Carter who addressed us. Everyone on our team picked up on it and it impacted our playing, but that didn't deter James. He just called us more names and scheduled more practices, sometimes at the arse crack of dawn. While most of the team was now certain that James was nuts, it wasn't until this one practice. James Potter was absolutely insane and this moment was my irrefutable evidence._

* * *

"Gather up team, Potter's got a play he wants us to try," Carter said uneasily, his eyes darting over us. I'm certain that each and every one of us began quaking. Lately, Potter had been encouraging us to try ridiculously dangerous moves from the Wronski Feint, the Parkin's Pincer, to the Starfish and Stick.

"Mckinnon, Black, Astrix, " He said our names uneasily and with an uncertainty, "You three and I are going to be practicing The Glider. Mckinnon…hope you're good at jumping."

Somewhere in the Forbidden Forest, a cricket chirped.

"You're _fucking_ kidding, aren't you?" I asked, and while no one else seemed to voice this opinion, their eyes seemed to convey the same emotion.

"No I'm not Mckinnon."

"I know we've got some issues, but I did not realize that you wanted to _murder_ me."

"You're not going to die, stop being overdramatic."

"People have died before doing The Glider!"

"And?"

"And they were professionals!"

"Your point being?"

"You're insane."

"We're obviously casting a cushioning charm throughout the entire pitch and on the brooms. No one's going to expect it. It's brilliant."

* * *

_Now most of you are probably wincing at this. Yes. Potter has gone officially mad. He wanted me to do The Glider. And by brilliant, I'm pretty certain Potter meant brilliant in that way that mad scientists are brilliant and mad._

* * *

"Of course no one's going to expect it! No one wants to see someone die!"

"All you have to do is trust Black. Which I'm _sure_ you do."

"This is the Quidditch pitch, leave your issues out of it," Carter interrupted and we backed down, "I'll play Keeper, the rest of you begin casting cushioning charms. And be prepared to catch Marlene."

* * *

_For those of you not Quidditch obsessed (cough cough Maddox), The Glider is a move that is very dangerous, but effective when played out. A chaser, usually the lightest one, jumps off their broom. This provides a distraction for the other team while the other two chasers score goals with the Quaffle. In order to keep the distraction going, the glider falls about five feet from the ground before a beater catches them._

_In two words: It's insane._

_In another two words: Death sentence._

* * *

"FORMATION!" James cried out loud and I mounted onto my broom, shooting him a glare as I passed by him. I pushed off and soared high up.

"Whenever you're ready Mckinnon."

"If you're giving me the option, then don't expect me to do this anytime soon."

"Well then…on the count of three, you're going to jump and hopefully someone will catch you."

"That just gives me so much motivation," I added as I slowly balanced on my feet, standing on the broom.

"One…" I held out my hands to balance myself, "Two…" I glanced down at the pitch, which seemed to be very far away, "Three…"

I jumped.

* * *

_Now I can already tell you that I'm alive. As you can gather from this very dear letter of mine. But let me just add that it was slightly exhilarating and absolutely… bloody frightening._

* * *

I resisted the urge to scream as I free fell from the sky watching the ground come closer and closer until…

I groaned as I landed on the back of Sirius' broom.

"At least I caught you," He pointed out before I could even comment that I was certain my stomach was still a couple of hundred feet in the air with my broom.

"And the cushioning charm helped, eh?"

"BLACK! MOVE! QUICKLY!" Potter shouted and Sirius let out a huff before his broom quickened in speed. I was surprised and quickly tightened my arms around his waist and had clenched my thighs too, just to stay on. The warmth of his body radiated off and I clutched tighter to drink in that warmth, that comfort. It was the least I could do after having fallen nearly a hundred feet. He flew up, almost at a stark 180 degrees back towards my broom. I swung my leg over it and then descended.

* * *

_Needless to say, I'm pretty sure that I've had my fill of adrenaline for my life. We practiced it twenty times and Potter had me stay behind to practice it a few more times. Or at least that's what I had assumed._

* * *

"You did pretty well, Marlene."

"First names now?" I said dryly as I tossed the equipment into the storage closet, after learning that we would not be practicing any more life threatening plays.

"I've been a prat."

"An _attempted murdering _prat." I corrected.

"You're alive, aren't you?"

"I thought this was an apology."

"Yes, it is. You're right, I was angry when you approached me. And I took it out on you. I'm really sorry." James' hand was ruffling his hair and he looked at me nervously. James did have an ego, and I could tell the beating it was taking for apologizing.

"Should be."

"Do you forgive me?"

"I'm not sure if I should. You called me some nasty stuff."

"I know, but I am really quite sorry."

"Beg."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me right, Potter. Beg."

"Not a single word of this," He hissed after he looked around. I crossed my arms amusedly, half-hoping that maybe someone actually did have a wizarding camera somewhere close by. He got onto his knees, his hands held together and he looked at me, widening his eyes.

"Marlene Mckinnon…"

"Yes?"

"I am woefully regretful and apologetic for calling you a traitor, accusing you of sleeping with people you aren't sleeping with, claiming that you were a prostitute and saying…other stuff."

"You should be."

"Do you accept this apology?"

"You hurt me James," This came out softly, as if it might be lost in the wind. This was no longer a joking conversation.

"I know. I didn't mean it though. I know you're not a whore or a traitor."

"Sometimes I'm not sure you do."

"You're one of my best mates."

"Funny way of showing it."

"I just _begged_ for you. I wouldn't beg for most people."

"And your point still being?"

"Please forgive me. I can't live without you."

"Only because you begged. And because that was strangely poetic. Merlin James, you need a shag."

"All right Mckinnon, I think you've wounded my pride enough for one night." He gave me an easy smile.

"I think you've wounded my buttocks, so I suppose it's even."

"I've missed you."

"I missed you too."

"How's life?"

"Life is all right. Considerably better now that this arse hole apologized to me. He called me all sorts names."

"Sounds like a real wanker."

"Don't even get me started on his hair."

* * *

_And everything was okay. James and Sirius and the Marauders still haven't resolved everything. But James and I are back to being friends. I just thought I'd keep you updated on the petty drama that occurs within the walls of Hogwarts. And so now you know what has happened in this first week of October. Write soon wankers._

_Love you,_

_Marlene_

* * *

And everything _was_ okay. It felt especially okay when we were in the common room. Sirius was still set apart from the Marauders, but I knew that they were being more forgiving with him, although the grudge was still there. But there I was, sitting in front of the fire, laughing with my friends.

"Most embarrassing experience ever?" Peter asked. We were playing a questionnaire game and I was learning some really interesting things.

"When I stripped in fifth year at that party and started throwing my clothes in the fire. Then I went around in my knickers and started singing gibberish," I supplied.

"Serves you right for the eight cups of firewhiskey," Lily added, a hand hiding her smile.

"See, unlike you Potter, I have no qualms about sharing nudity stories."

"I don't recall any nudity stories."

"What about the key lime pie incident?" Remus said and both Peter and James paled.

"Don't speak of it."

And then, Professor McGonagall entered the common room and everyone fell silent. Her eyes seemed to seek me out, and she walked towards me. Each step seemed like a thunder clap and a sense of panic rose in my throat.

"Ms. Mckinnon. You have to go to St. Mungo's. It's your brother."

* * *

**A/N: Yes, I am cruel. But hey, I've added another chapter. That's two chapters in a short time span. I tried uploading this yesterday about twenty times but was being mean...So I'm making up for all those months I left you stranded on chapter one. Also, I got three reviews within the day that I posted Chapter 2, which absolutely made me so happy, I danced around the house for a while. Thanks to apoorvam77, PatronusIsAMockinJay3 and Alice (Alice, I left a reply for your review below my author's note and preview) for reviewing! Thank you to everyone else who faved or followed. You're part of the reason I keep writing! I will hopefully update soon! Also, in case anyone was wondering. When Marlene "hallucinates" she's actually witnessing the Marauders wandering around the castle that will help them write the Marauder's Map. I checked the lexicon, and this is around the time that they'd be writing it :) Also, they wouldn't bring a werwolf onto school grounds (they're not _that_ reckless, so Remus is the one underneath the invisibility cloak) Review if you'd like, it'll make me extremely happy! ~Alison**

**Preview: ** In which secrets and changes are revealed.

**Alice:** Stop, you made me blush and smile! I'm so glad you like all my characters and all these secrets are going to be revealed eventually. I love Dorcas, personally, and she's a very complex character and most people will probably end up loving her, hating her, or somewhere in the middle. James is one of my favorites, he's really just one ball of fun. I also don't like when people ignore Peter. In my mind, Peter's really quite normal but he pales in comparison to the other Marauders. Plus he's not that dumb, considering he's an unregistered Animagus. I'm planning to give him a good-sized part in this fanfiction because he was one of their best mates otherwise they'd never trust him as Secret Keeper. I adore Lily as well. I'm so glad you think I've written her flawlessly, I'm trying to write her character as best as I can. Sirius is another complex character that I'm doing my best to write, and you'll learn a lot more about him later in the fanfiction. Yes! I'm glad you noticed the little duel between Marlene and Regulus, it'll come to play later. Ah, a million hugs to you for reviewing!


	4. Chapter 4: Bloodlines

Chapter Four: Bloodlines

_"The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice." ~Mark Twain_

When I was little, I used to be afraid of the dark. I never told anyone, my brothers would've teased me relentlessly. But it was expressed when the first magic that I ever performed was a burst of light in an especially shadowy night.

I'm no longer scared, of the dark, that is. I'm scared of the things that occur in the dark. When monsters, that take the form of humans, come out to play their sick, sadistic games. When boys sleep with girls they aren't supposed to sleep with. When innocents are struck down in the middle of the night. When people's wills are stolen with a single muttered "Imperio." When prejudice roams free, hiding under the darkness with similarly dark masks. When someone's life is put at stake because of you and you watch their spirit flit away from their eyes.

_(2:17 A.M. June 16__th__ 1977)_

_There was laughter surrounding me, all blurring into one loud sound. I laughed as well, felt the delight of it coming out of my hoarse throat and laughed again._

_ "She's so fucking pissed," I heard someone comment. It sounded funny to my ears, and so I began to laugh again. Everything was blurring into one and I could've sworn that the boy whose lips began a conquest down my neck had two heads and three eyes._

_ "It's too hot," I complained as blew a breath over my face sloppily, glaring at the bonfire as if it had personally offended me._

_ "You can always take off your clothes," One boy said as he raised his eyebrows enticingly. That sounded like a lovely idea. Shirts were much too constricting anyway. I peeled off the shirt easily and cheers and whistles echoed around me. I grinned and felt someone place a cup into my hands. I raised as if I were toasting._

_ "To…to firewhiskey!" I managed as I threw down the drink, the rush of heat like dragon's breath numb to me at this point._

_ Cheers similar to mine followed and I watched as the rest of them all gulped down their drinks, the image distorted. Suddenly, I was feeling spontaneous as I glimpsed someone's broomstick lying haphazardly on the ground._

_ "I want to go on a broomstick ride," I announced, grabbing up the broomstick. Muttered one liners about 'riding' and 'broomsticks' ensued. I swung my leg over the broom clumsily, my brows clashing together in frustration. Wasn't I usually quite good at getting on? James Potter himself had even said that I was a Quidditch star. I grit my teeth and managed to take off, letting out a whoop as the wind ran its hands through my hair._

_ "Someone get her down! She's way too plastered!" A girl cried out._

_ "Oh hush up the fun police," I shouted and laughed. My crowd of onlookers followed my example and the girl blushed and stammered, looking as if she wanted to shrink into herself. I did a half-hearted loop, earning cheers. This caused me to beam and I let myself soak in the attention._

_ "MARLENE!" A thunderous voice poured out and I stopped my parlor tricks as I glanced down at the crowd. A boy pushed through the crowd, the way he pushed people away made him seem dangerous. I lowered myself closer to the ground and saw that it was my brother Manning._

_ "Oh no," I breathed out as I glared at him. Lately, all Manning seemed to do was interrupt my moments of enjoyment. He had perfected the art of tracking me down at parties, even when I thought I had left no clues and snuck out without even a single slight creak of the floorboards, "It's stick-up-his-arse-prince come to save the damsel in distress," I slurred dryly._

_ "What the fuck are you doing without a shirt on?" His voice was harsh and venomous. He let out a sigh and pulled out one of my favorite white dresses, likely lying around my room that he snatched before he left, as if he expected something like this from me. The thought was a bit depressing and I had the urge to snatch up another bottle of firewhiskey to rid myself of that pesky emotion. He tossed it to me and I grudgingly slipped it on, much to the displeasure of several boys._

_ "Now come home. Mav is awake and frantic. He's going to wake up everyone else and then you're **really**__in for it."_

_ "I hate you."_

_ "Better to hate me than to be dead from another cretinous antic."_

_ "You're the worst brother I could ask for," I aimed to watch him wince, to flinch. To make him feel as much pain as he made me feel for constantly ruining my fun._

_ He bristled, and I could tell that he was rattled. A few blokes in the crowd looked relieved, as if they thought Manning was my boyfriend. We didn't look much alike. We had the same dark hair, but that was about it. Where I was spontaneous and audacious, Manning acted as if he were ten years older than his age._

_ "You're drunk," He dismissed, "Now, we're going home."_

_ I chuckled bitterly, "If you can catch me."_

_ He cursed under his breath, "Fuck, Marlene, I'm not in the mood to play games."_

_ "World doesn't revolve around you, does it?"_

_ "No, it revolves around you. Or at least that's how you seem to act lately."_

_ I glared and pushed off the ground, hard, swearing that I would need the Bruise Be Gone spell that Marcell had concocted for my foot tomorrow. While Manning might have had the upper hand of being sober, I had the advantage of being better at Quidditch. Manning was on the Ravenclaw team and they hadn't won the house cup since I was in second year, while Gryffindor held onto a streak since then._

_ I raced, allowing him to get only a few feet from me before darting away, like a hummingbird._

_ "Marlene," He said as he came close, "Just stop and we can go home. I won't even tell Mav, all right? I'll get you a sobering potion and we can just go."_

_ "No," I replied stubbornly. He let out an exasperated breath as he raked his hands through his hair. It was at that moment that I decided I could stand on my broom, a drunken extempore action._

_ "Look Manning!" I cried out delightedly, "No hands." I laughed, a plan cooked in my head._

_ "Shit, Marlene, don't move. I'm getting you. Stay there," His panicked eyes flitted and he slowly came towards me. He stood up on his own broom and he reached over for me. In one fluid motion, I dropped down to sit on the broom and floated a few feet away. Manning's eyes met mine. He reached too far and he fell._

_ He fell._

_ I realized how horrible my plan was from the beginning. I should've never done it._

_ "It's all right," I reassured myself as our eyes met for the briefest of seconds. "Someone will cast a cushioning charm."_

_ Someone never cast a cushioning charm. And as he hit the ground, I screamed. I dove to the ground, the sound of his body hitting the ground ringing through my ears. Someone quickly gave me a sobering potion and I dipped my head back as I downed the pungent stuff. I ran to his body and shook him, bringing his head gently into my lap._

_ "Someone needs to apparate to St. Mungo's!" I cried out and I waited until a seemingly sober girl disapparated and returned a few minutes later accompanied by a Healer. All I could think of were the insults that I muttered to him. Would they be the last thing he ever heard? Would they be the last things he remembered of me? I bit my lip, willing myself not to cry. Not in front of so many people._

_ "I'm sorry Manning," I said, stroking his hair slowly. "You're not the worst brother. You're one of the best. I'm sorry. That was the most awful thing I have ever done. You weren't supposed to get hurt. Please don't remember the bad things I've said to you. Remember when I was six? You were seven and Mav was practicing Quidditch. He was going to try out for the team. Even though they needed six players, they wouldn't let us play. You said that we would have more fun without them. Remember Manny? We went to the park with our toy brooms and we played there. You told me that you'd prefer me over the rest of them. Merlin, don't hate me. I'm sorry. I love you," I whispered in between broken gasps for air in his ear. But he didn't move. The Healer looked at me._

_ "Your boyfriend?" He asked absently._

_ "**My brother**_**.**_" I confirmed defensively._

_ He waved his wand over my brother's body, assessing the damage and I squeezed my eyes shut. I begged Merlin for him to be all right._

_ If Manning is okay, I will do well in school and study._

_ If Manning is alive, I will stop drinking and partying._

_ If Manning is alive…_

_ I trailed off on the promise as the Healer told me that my brother was indeed alive. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding._

_ "He may be comatose," My confused expression caused him to elaborate, "He may be in a deep sleep for a while. It's a muggle term for an affliction that occurs when something happens, in this case, severe head trauma. Healers don't know very much about how to cure it. We have not learned much about healing the brain."_

_ I shut my eyes tightly, "It doesn't matter. Not if he's alive."_

(October 17th 1977)

I stepped out of the fireplace and into the pristine lobby of St. Mungo's. I gripped the mantel, out of breath. I had sprinted towards Dumbledore's office and practically flown into the fireplace to floo with only a hasty "hello" to the headmaster. I was suffocating under an emotion that was a combination of hope and fear. It blurred my vision and caused my heart to pound loudly and quickly.

"Marlene!" My mother said cheerfully and she enveloped me in her arms, "Manning is awake. He's with your father right now, but we managed to round up all of your brothers. They'll want to see you," She said with a smile.

"Mum," I squeaked as my breath began to come easily. She hugged me tighter.

"I know, darling. I know. It will be okay."

It wasn't just that Manning was awake. After Manning's fall, I had remained at home. It had taken two weeks for all my brothers to forgive me. It had taken three for my parents to fully exonerate me. Now everything was falling into place. Manning was awake. _Manning_. I thought of how many times I was haunted by the memory, which I had extracted and placed in Maddox's pensieve when he was away. And yes, while this embrace was partly due to the fact that everything following Manning's fall was now being resolved, it was also because it was my mum. It was my mum who was a muggleborn in a ever-growing hostile world where muggle borns had targets painted on their backs, in a world where most purebloods knew of the Mckinnon scandal and my mother's blood status.

She seemed to read my mind because she squeezed my hand and smiled warmly, a smile that brought a sense of relief and reassurance with it. She led me to an area outside of Manning's room where four boys were lounging around lazily.

"Marly," Maverick greeted me with a crooked smile. The rest of them shared similar remarks, with Marcell's signature "Mrs. Black." They swarmed around me and enfolded me into their arms. Family had never felt better.

"So your letter," Maddox started as he pushed his wiry spectacles up on his nose.

"You use some very nice language. I have taught you well," Marcell grinned. I returned the sentiment, "Although if James Potter is giving you trouble with the Glider, Merlin have mercy, I have no qualms about beating him until he's the size of his broomstick," I raised an eyebrow, "His wooden broomstick that is."

"Marcell Mckinnon," My mother warned sternly and he shrugged.

"Marlene?" My dad asked as he opened the door, "Manning would like to see you now."

I had imagined this moment for a while now. In some, I had recited a beautiful soliloquy and in others I had stayed silent. As I walked into the room and heard the click of the door as it locked behind me, I was frozen.

Sitting in the bed was Manning. Manning with that familiar dark hair that never stayed flat, even when he was little and Mum spent an hour running a comb through it. Manning with the light eyes that seemed to smile only barely when he was happy. My instinct overcame me and I walked to his bed, each step faster than the last, before wrapping my arms around him.

For a few moments, his arms didn't even touch me, they hung there by his sides. But then grudgingly, one arm wrapped around me and I was ready to sing and dance and explode in a cocoon of happiness. I was reminded of the fear of never seeing my brother again, only to watch him grow old as he slept continuously through a glass window. A single tear fell down my cheek and stained his shirt.

"I'm sorry," I choked out, "I didn't mean to say that you were the worst brother. You're not, you're really a brilliant brother. If anything, I'm the worst sister for making you sacrifice so much to get me-"

"It's okay, Marlene. Family is sacrifice," He cut me off.

He didn't say, "I forgive you." Part of me always knew he wouldn't. Had I been in his place because of his act of drunken stupidity, I would not have been so willing to forgive and forget. Yet, his mere presence helped me. He was alive. My brother was alive. And that was all that mattered.

We stayed like that for two hours, his arms wrapped around me and my head on his shoulder.

_(Hidden Demons)_

"What do you know about giants?" I asked James as I began to write my History of Magic essay on the Giant Wars. The spare snitch in James' Quidditch kit was in his hand, and he would release it occasionally before catching it just as quickly.

"Preparing to be a seeker?" I raised an eyebrow.

He scoffed, "Of course not. But it never hurts to sharpen your reflexes."

"Or it's a move to get a few more birds onto your admirer list."

He grinned at me and flicked my hair out of my face, "So giants you say? Well they tend to be around, I'd say twenty feet or six meters. Not as clever as we wizards and witches are, although maybe you'd be an exception," To this I shot him a glare, "They're capable of speaking to one another in their native languages and a few can speak English. They tend to be grouped in tribes in distant mountainous region with a leader named a Gurg. They're quite aggressive and pugnacious and will often fight. If a human wanders into one of their fight, it's practically a death sentence. There are loads of Prophet articles about Muggles and Wizards alike being killed by giants."

"You know, for such a tosser, you're quite bright," I murmured as I hurriedly copied down a few of the points he had said.

"Well please, don't sugar coat it."

"Wanker."

"Crazy bitch."

We smiled and I continued to write down my essay, ignoring the unusual quiet in the common room. Had it been a few weeks ago, there would've been cheers from the Marauders as they plotted their next devious plan and whispers of girls as their eyes flitted from the Marauders to their friends. I hadn't seen Sirius in a while now. He no longer came into the common room, and I had a suspicion that he was sleeping elsewhere, likely a bird's room or perhaps even an abandoned classroom.

"How's Sirius?" I blurted.

He groaned, "By the love of Merlin, Marlene, he's the last thing that I want to talk about," His voice was filled with venom.

"James, he's your _best friend_, practically your brother."

"He _was_ my best friend."

"Honestly, the two of you are far too stubborn for your own good."

"I'm aware."

"It's hurting you both, James."

"You don't know what he did, Marlene!" He shouted and stood up, the anger in his eyes directed towards me. He kicked the heavy arm chair over and groaned before heading up to the boy's dormitory. While I might have basked in attention before, I dreaded it this time. I ignored the flaming cheeks and the tears that threatened to overflow my eyes and the stares and whispers. Instead, I finished the essay, applied a drying charm, capped my bottle of ink, and walked upwards to the girl's dormitory with my head held high.

Hopefully, only I knew it was all a lie.

A knock sounded on the girl's dormitory door, and I peeled away my bed curtains lazily.

"Who is it?"

There was no reply.

"Well come in then I suppose," I said as I flopped back onto the bed, wanting nothing more than to hide under the covers.

In pranced a small paper stag and I wrinkled my brow as it came towards me.

"Common room. Now," It exclaimed and I sighed, walking down the staircase.

"Don't bring him up again," I glanced curiously as I spotted James standing in front of the fireplace, the back of his head facing me. The common room was eerily empty, "I won't snap at you as long as you don't bring up that arsehole. Are we clear?"

"Perfectly transparent. Aren't we going to shake on it?" I said with a tentative smile.

He offered his hand, and I looked at it, before throwing my arms around him.

"I can't lose my best mate."

"Neither can I, Marlene. Neither can I."

And for just a moment, I wasn't sure if we were still talking about me.

I dropped the large book onto the table with so much force, that Peter startled from his nap and Remus shot me a glare as he cleaned his newly spilled ink.

"And the purpose of that was?" Peter asked, wincing as his eyes met the window and the light that streamed through them.

"To alert you to my presence."

"Lovely," Remus muttered in a tone that seemed to insinuate that he wanted me to shove large, solid objects in small tender places.

"What is that?" Peter asked as he evaluated the dusty volume that I had set on the table.

"_That_," I said proudly, "is the product of a half an hour of searching."

"_The Guide to Uncommon Jinxes, Hexes, Curses, and Spells_?"

Remus looked up warily, "What are you going to use that for?"

"Dueling club," I replied simply, as I opened the book. A wave of dust flew out and I coughed, waving it away.

"Because…" Peter trailed off.

"Because if you don't know the counter spell, then you're going to be left in confusion, thus weakening your shield and allowing me to win."

"Sometimes Marlene, I think we don't give you enough credit."

"Perhaps that was always the plan. Now, if you two don't mind, I'd like to try some of these spells out. Can't very well try them on myself, can I? Please be my guinea pigs?"

"As long as you take it off," Remus said nonchalantly.

"I'd rather be a rat," Peter squeaked and Remus snorted.

"Oh, show some Gryffindor courage. The counterspell is in the book."

Peter agreed after a little more coaxing, and I delightedly opened the book to a page.

I pointed my wand at Remus, "_Rosa berberifolia_," I murmured.

Immediately roses started blooming out of his ears and his eyes widened.

"Take it off! Shit Marlene, these things have thorns!" I swallowed nervously as I watched the roses continue to grow. I scrambled to find the counter curse, "_Neca Rosae_."

Remus glared at me as Peter healed the insides of his ears. I winced.

"Sorry!" I said resulting in a sigh on his part.

"Marlene, you're quite a nice person and everything. I bear no real grudges against you. But, honestly, if you're looking for guinea pigs, I suggest you do not start at this table."

"What a pleasant way to kick me out," I said, sticking my tongue out childishly, to which the both of them responded with the same gesture as I packed up my things. I wandered around the immense library for a few moments, noticing that the majority of the study tables were taken by madly cramming students. I had heard that there was a large exam in Potions for the fourth years. Eventually, after a fair bit of searching, I came across a nearly empty table with a single lone person's head facing downward and tucked into their arms, asleep. I experimentally poked them with my quill, only to have their reflexes kick in and snatch my quill away.

"Lovely," I groaned and began to read through the book. Twenty-five pages in, the head slowly faced me.

"Mckinnon?"

"Black?" I asked, surprise being mirrored in both of our voices.

"All the…other tables are full," I said gesturing towards the busy study groups.

"What are you doing in the library Mckinnon? I expected you to be preparing for Lockhart's birthday party up in Ravenclaw tower."

"I had to find a book," I said, gesturing to my volume, and as a safety measure, brought it closer to me. These spells were to be mine, and mine alone, "And you're one to talk. Sirius Black in the library? I do believe that you are getting senile."

"I could say the same for you. Slipping out of your reputation as a troublemaker, I see. Shall I refer to you as Lily Evans from now on?"

"I'd prefer if you didn't. Mckinnon is just fine. And believe me, I'm not _slipping_ out of anything. I could probably initiate a better prank than you ever could. One that will make a meal announcement."

Occasionally, the Marauders would perform a marvelous feat of pranking, so marvelous in fact, that Dumbledore would casually mention it during announcements. Last year, he had nonchalantly mentioned, "not to enter the Potions dungeon as it seems that a group of young pranksters have flooded it in a pungent substance a combination of slug juice and crushed horn of an unidentified animal of the moment. Professor Slughorn will be teaching in a spare classroom on the second floor and would like to comment that although the "slug horn" combination was quite amusing, that the pranksters should not attempt to do such a thing again."

"What are you planning on wagering?"

"Seven galleons."

"What for?"

"If you pay enough money, you can buy a book from the library."

"Goodness, Lily Evans."

"Oh hush up."

"Is that all you want from me?" He asked with a sly half-smile and a seductive wink.

"Yes," I said smoothly, glad that the table hid my trembling hand, "And honestly, you need to hire a niffler to dig your mind out of the sewer. Not every girl is going to fall for you."

"Mckinnon, one, you just insinuated that my mind is shiny. Nifflers are strongly attracted to treasure or rather shiny objects. Shiny things are often priceless, and therefore I must thank you for the compliment. Two, it is true that not every girl is going to fall for me. Some are attracted to other birds, but even so, given one night, I'm sure I could convert them."

"Sweet Circe, Black. I must depart before your ego snatches any more air out of this corner. But before I leave, we have a deal?"

He stuck out his hand and I snatched it firmly, watching as it disappeared in his much larger one. His hand was strangely cold, and I wondered if it was because the heart that pumped blood throughout his body was also cold.

I gathered my things into my bag and started to walk away. I turned when I was a few feet away from the table.

"Oh and Black?" He looked up curiously, "Fool's gold. Shiny, yes, but not a treasure and definitely not priceless."

I turned around quickly and walked out of the library. And then once I was out, I smiled to myself at his agape expression. Not many people insulted Sirius Black. It was about time someone did. Without a high horse, most Prince Charmings were really only damsels in distress.

* * *

"It's October," I informed my friends as I watched Mary and Lily flip pages madly.

"And?" Mary asked meekly, probing for my point.

"And our mock NEWTs are in December, I'll have you remember."

"I still find the idea absolutely ridiculous," Mary said as she dropped her head onto the dining table, "Sixth year is supposed to be a year between the OWLs and the NEWTs."

Mary straightened her spine and did what she did best when she was stressed: hair spells. She curled her hair easily, lengthened it, and made it a golden blonde before I was done chewing my chicken.

"Not a bad look," Lily nodded in approval.

"You look pretty fit, honestly," I agreed.

Mary blushed and hid her face in her potions book. Meanwhile, I took out my beloved library book.

"I have seen you carry that book around as if it were your pillow for two days. What is it? Did you charm it to hold a flask or something?" Lily asked.

"Yeah Marls, I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty curious as well," Mary said leaning forward.

"It does not hold a flask. It is a book that I am reading. Now, I will not be taking any more questions. Dumbledore's standing to prepare for dinner."

"As it is nearing the end of October, I must remind you students of Hogwarts that staying after curfew for celebratory activities during Halloween are not permitted. Furthermore, a student has shown their Halloween spirit early. For this reason, we ask that the Slytherins take the alternate route to their common room. A certain student has charmed painted female undergarments onto a number of portraits, both male and female, and charmed them to sing specific insults for every Slytherin student, specified individually as the students' faces are printed on the undergarments. Every few minutes or so, they will chorus in unison, "Slytherins are bottom-eating scum" as well as occasionally the curious line of, "Don't underestimate me, fool's gold." They have been permanently stuck in the corridor leading to the Slytherin common room, covering the walls, floors, and ceilings. This behavior is not acceptable," Yet Dumbledore seemed amused and his eyes twinkled that familiar glint, "And I ask that the person responsible please turn herself or himself in before we have to reverse the memory spells placed on the portraits that made them fail to recall their captor. That is all, thank you."

I lifted my glass of pumpkin juice to Sirius and toasted, smiling as his shoulders shook with silent laughter.

* * *

I was wandering through the corridors after dinner, taking a mostly unknown short cut towards Gryffindor tower. Mary and Lily had left for the library as soon as they were done eating, leaving me to walk alone to the seventh floor. I was startled to find Sirius leaning nonchalantly against the wall, long legs on display, arms crossed, and a cigarette in one hand.

"Are you following me or something?"

"No, Princess, that would imply that I would be behind you. Perhaps it is you following me?" I scowled as he smirked.

He tossed me a small bag that jingled as it left his hand. I was pleased to find seven Galleons, as promised. When I looked up, he grinned.

"Mckinnon, you are really quite smashing, did you know that?"

"I've been told on more than one occasion, but if we're here to inflate my ego, by Merlin's beard, you don't have to stop there."

He chuckled in his low voice, and in the abandoned corridor, it echoed for a few seconds longer.

"Enlighten me on how you accomplished this impressive task."

"A prankster never gives away his or her secrets, of all people shouldn't you know that?"

He sucked in his cigarette hard, I thought that he would faint from lack of oxygen, but eventually he let out a cloud of golden smoke.

"Cake," He commented with a half-smile, "And I wouldn't really know. James was the prankster. Remus was the brains. Peter was the minion. I was just there." He took another drag and offered me his cigarette case from his front trouser pocket.

"Thank you," I said and leaned against the wall, taking out my wand and lighting the cigarette. I inhaled, letting the potions swirl in my mouth and linger in my lungs, before letting them out in a slow puff.

"They're miserable you know. You're all miserable. You're the Marauders. The Marauders are one entity, separate them and you're…it's just not right anymore."

He laughed bitterly, "James has no problem with that."

"James does everything with his whole heart. Hate, love, infatuation. He'll come around."

"Is this the part where the sappy music starts playing like in the muggle movies?"

"How do you know about muggle movies?"

"I try to learn everything about muggles just to see my mother wince. I even dated a muggle bird once, she wanted to go to the movies."

"Always been curious about this, do muggles kiss differently than witches?"

He laughed, tilting his head back, "Why did that thought enter your mind?"

"Well I'm not really around the muggle world that much, except to visit my grandmother and grandfather and occasionally around muggle London with my mother to go shopping. Never been in an intimate relationship with a muggle, you see."

"You can experiment. I know ways to sneak out of this castle unnoticed. And I wouldn't mind helping out to test how a wizard kisses compared to a muggle boy. Although, if you are working on that topic, I must warn you that my snogging abilities are far more superior than any plain wizard and I might skew the results."

"When are you going to get it through your head, Black, that I'm not looking to be one of your sexual endeavors. Just a mate, and while I understand the concept of having a friend that is of the opposite gender and not given the title "friends with benefits" is devastatingly confusing, you'll work it out in time," I said rolling my eyes and elbowing him in the stomach lightly.

"You're definitely the first," He said, returning the elbow jab with just a little more force. I glared, sending him a sharp one to his rib cage. He sighed as if I was a small child who he simply didn't understand. Secretly, I knew he was frustrated that I had the upper hand in our childish war of elbows and pokes. I inhaled and tasted blueberry smoke, letting it come out in a smoke ring. With expertise, Sirius blew out a larger green ring of smoke that engulfed mine.

"Lime?" I wondered out loud.

"Worse, brussell sprouts," He informed me with a displeased expression, one that caused me to laugh.

"Why do you smoke?"

"I'm not going to lie to you, Princess. It's partially because it attracts the birds."

"Yes, dying early and blackened lungs are very attractive."

"Hypocrite. Why do you smoke then?"

"It looks cool, but it also gives me control."

"Pray tell, how does an addictive substance give you control?"

"Of all the confusion and the death out there," I gestured to the window we were facing, looking out to the expansive outdoors, "At least with a cigarette, I know I will die earlier. Better to die on my own knowledge, than by a curse shot behind my back."

"I smoke… I smoke because smoke is there but it's untouchable. You can never feel it between your fingers, never quite palpable. It's just out of reach. So close, but not quite. That's how I am. You will never know me, never understand me fully."

"I could try."

"But you won't succeed, that's the point. You, Marlene Mckinnon, will never completely empathize with me. You'll never be able to read my thoughts, my mind, nothing. You, and everybody else in the world, James Potter included, will never figure me out. You wouldn't understand me even if I explained myself to you."

He looked at me, his eyes boring straight into mine. To this day, I could still not name the colour of Sirius Black's eyes. They complimented him, that was for sure. But I could say (with pride nonetheless) that I was not one of the Sirius Black's admirers who felt the need to find the exact colour of his eyes. I did not care whether they were a "Air-force blue", "blue-grey", "Carolina blue", "Glacius", "Steel blue", or "Columbia Blue". In my opinion they weren't even blue at all. They were not grey, and I still didn't care if his eyes were "Gainsboro", "Light slate grey", or just plain "slate grey". All I knew was that they were stormy and grew darker when he was mad or when he wanted something and he couldn't seem to get it (which was a very rare occasion for Sirius Black indeed). But right now, as I looked at him, they seemed broken. It was as if something inside him had fallen and tumbled and crashed, and subsequently the rest of him came undone as well. He was someone who no one understood, and would likely stand to be that way for a while. He was alone, and while it was true that everyone felt lonely sometimes…To be lonely forever would break someone and swarm them with demons to keep them company, all to fill that void.

And somewhere inside of me, I knew, that I was one step closer to understanding Sirius Black.

* * *

"Pray tell us where you're heading this late at night?" Lily said as she tapped quill against the table in a rhythm I recognized as the popular Muggle song Silver Lady by David Soul.

"Head boy gave me detention."

"What now Marlene?" Mary said as she peeked from behind her mane of newly charmed dark crimson curls.

"Don't use that exasperated tone with me. I haven't been in a detention in weeks."

"Marlene," Lily deadpanned, "We've only been in school for a few weeks."

"Technicality," I waved it aside.

"With what cause did the Head Boy give you detention?"

"The head boy was placed in charge of undoing the massive prank on the Slytherin corridor. Took him awhile, but he finally managed to remove the obscure memory spell with Dumbledore's help. They claimed that I was guilty."

"The Marauders blamed you?" Mary asked, her face twisting in confusion.

"Or perhaps there are other people in this castle with enough smarts to pull off a prank like that," I added with a wink.

Mary and Lily both shared impressed expressions mixed with a few teaspoons of surprise.

"Well off I go. Make good choices," I said with a wave as I gathered my robes in my arms to protect me from the Scotland October chill, "Although, frankly, considering it is you two, I'm not that worried. Correction to my last statement: be reckless for once and make bad choices. I promise you Peter's spliff will be worth it."

"Marlene! That's not allowed!" Lily hissed, but I could tell some part of her wanted to do as I had just advised.

"Live a little. We're all going to die young anyway."

Lily and Mary's faces froze and smirked, "Sometimes, it's as if you two are more naïve than five year olds."

I left them there, shaken by my words. And inside me, some sick part of my mind rejoiced at causing them pain. The same sick part that had cheered at the thrill of my small stunt that almost cost my brother his life. I left out the portrait hole and hurried down the stairs, taking shortcuts so I could make it to my detention on time. The Head Boy wasn't there, but he left a note, telling me to collect a few herbs for Professor Slughorn's third year potions class, along with a list of ingredients that I'd have to gather. I silently cursed the head boy, and then upon glancing at the Forbidden Forest along with the cloudy sky, cursed him again not so silently.

I trudged into the forest, wand gripped tightly.

"There's nothing in the forest, nothing in the forest," I reassured myself gently, grabbing onto the bark as I nearly stumbled over a root.

_"Lumos_," I said and gratefully began gathering ingredients. One year, Slughorn had taken us to the Forbidden Forest and shown us the best places to gather ingredients. I sought those places out, and once I had gathered all the herbs and ingredients necessary, I placed them in a pouch the head boy had left for me and tucked them safely inside my robes. I slowly made my way back to the castle. The forest was eerie, there was no denying that fact. But it was peaceful and serene in a way that I hadn't known it could be. I sat down against a tree, one eye closed while the other stayed open, enjoying the peace. I would sit there for a few minutes and rest. My back and feet had been complaining of the laborious task of walking throughout the forest and stooping to gather. However, the silence was shattered by one thing: A long and low howl. A howl that could not possibly be human or animal, but rather a combination.

The Sorting Hat saw a reason to put me in Gryffindor. And for that, I must have some bravery inside of me. Many Gryffindors tend to believe that there is no difference between being rash and being brave. However, being rash is confronting a werewolf. Being brave is protecting someone else from the werewolf. Or protecting yourself, and collecting your wits quickly when you hear a werewolf's howl and knowing that you should run. _As fast as humanly possible_.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, _shit_." I scrambled up from my spot, hearing my heart beating, and wondering if the werewolf could hear it as well. I stumbled upon a tree root, and winced, feeling a cut and blood spread over the fabric of my trousers.

"I really hate the fucking head boy," I cursed again as I glanced at the clearing sky, revealing a full moon. Could wolves smell blood?

"Point me," I rushed, holding my wand in my shaking palm. The forest was east of the castle so I tore to the West. I felt branches scratch at my face and my body, whipping cuts into my skin. I ran as fast as I could and contemplated whether to climb a tree or to accio my broom towards me. I continued running, I could see light farther up ahead, Hagrid's hut would be close and from there the castle wouldn't be too far off. My foot slipped and twisted painfully from beneath me and I cried out loud, before covering my mouth just as quickly. I gripped the bark of a nearby tree and pulled myself upward, hoping that the adrenaline would cover up the pain once I started running again. I hoped to gain momentum before breaking out into a sprint again, feeling tears leak out as the adrenaline had not helped with the pain.

In an unfortunate incident, my good ankle tripped over a tree root and I groaned in pain, pushing myself up off the ground in an effort to continue my sprint to safety. However as I got up, I was face to face with a werewolf. My breath caught in my throat.

I was prepared to die in a war. Somehow dying at the hands of a werewolf while at detention for playing a prank seemed to lack the poetry of death as a war hero.

The werewolf's snarl seemed to echo through the trees and I swallowed and held my breath, waiting for the inevitable. I could feel it's warm breath, see the muscles tense, ready to pounce, ready to kill. It's eyes narrowed in aggression and violence. I closed my eyes slowly. If I was going to die, I would die calm. However, after a few seconds and no death occurred, I opened my eyes to find a stag pushing his antlers against the werewolf. The wolf's claws scratched at the stag's stomach and I suppressed a scream as some of the animal's blood splattered onto my face. A small rodent crawled it's way to the werewolf's head and began to claw at the ears. The werewolf tried to scratch it away, but the rodent, which was revealed to be a rat in the moonlight, clung on. With a sudden realization, I came to the conclusion that the rat and the stag were the same ones I encountered in the castle while I was hallucinating.

"What the-" I breathed out just as the werewolf broke away from the stag's fight and lunged at me. I scrambled to my feet, and backed away, before running, but then a single sharp pain ripped through my back and a scream left my throat, hovering in the air. I fell onto the ground, feeling my shirt now warm with blood from the claws of the werewolf that had scratched my back. I turned around and saw the werewolf stalk towards me quickly. He lunged. However, I was pulled away just in the knick of time but a blinding pain erupted in my right shoulder and I gasped, squeezing my eyes shut. I looked to my savior, to find the black dog I had witnessed in the same hallucination. His jaws had grasped my shoulder and tugged me away, lest I would've died, or perhaps faced a worse fate: becoming a werewolf. The stag seemed surprised at the dog's arrival, taking on the deer in headlights expression, but used its antlers to shove the werewolf away, and pushed it deeper into the forest.

Shock, relief, and confusion flooded through me. And then pain, so much pain and hurt that seemed to swarm everywhere and smother me. Finally, yet I was sure it was only a few seconds that passed between the thought and darkness, my body blocked out the pain and I fell into blissful unconsciousness.

* * *

Everything hurt. I was suddenly aware of everything that had just occurred. My eyes flew open with force and I jerked up. A gentle force fell upon my shoulder.

"Careful, I haven't healed all your wounds. Your ankle took me a good half an hour. Suppose my Defense essay for tomorrow will be either pretty shoddy or late."

"What are you doing here Black? Or rather what am I doing in the sixth year's boy's dormitories?"

"Ah…that…might require a bit of patience and explaining."

"Sirius Black, I almost died or became a werewolf tonight. I'm in no mood to deal with any sort of build-up. I don't know what's going on. My hallucination came true and there was a rat and a stag and a dog and oh God…Oh God…_Sweet Circe_. Prongs and Padfoot and Wormtail and…and…Moony," I rambled hysterically before I halted as I realized what exactly had happened and what my realization meant.

"You're much smarter than most people seem to take you for," He said.

"But, that's not possible. I've checked the animagi register for a Transfiguration paper, you three are nowhere on there. And while you and James are bright enough and Peter's decent, I see no way how a few teenagers could accomplish the dangerous magic of becoming an Animagus. And Remus…Remus can't be a," My voice halted, as if it refused to mutter the word, "a werewolf."

"Just like most people don't give you enough credit, the Marauders are only seen as a group of pranksters. We're all quite good at transfiguration, otherwise Minnie would've kicked us out a while ago. We did it for Remus. As Animagi, we wouldn't be able to be hurt by him and help him through the process. We wrestle together and keep him entertained."

"How long has Remus been a…"

"It's not a bad word, you know. It's a condition. He doesn't like it any more than you or I do. And since he was really young."

"That's awful," I could only say, thinking of the excruciating pain the young child Remus would have had to experience.

"Tell me this Black, if you're out of the Marauders, why were you there tonight? I swear to you, I saw James' look of surprise when you came."

He took out a sheet of old parchment from his pocket and I raised an eyebrow.

"While I do agree that your Defense essay is quite important, it's also very rude not to answer a question."

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

"Lovely, Sirius. I think all of Hogwarts knows that."

My next snarky remark was cut short as I watched ink spiral out of the parchment and stared in amazement as names filled the paper.

"What is this?"

"The Marauder's Map," Sirius announced proudly, "Took a while of cartographing and research. When you were in the hospital wing that one time and saw us in our Animagus forms, that's when we were exploring the castle. Remus was under the invisibility cloak, we aren't reckless enough to bring a werewolf into the school. I saw you leave the common room and asked Lily where you were going. She said detention. I knew that some detentions took place in the Forbidden Forest, so I checked just in case. But honestly I didn't think you would be there, all of the staff know about Remus' condition and keep track of the moon cycle."

"Obviously not the fucking head boy."

"That would make sense, only the staff and the Marauders know about it. And you and Snivellus."

"Snape?"

Sirius' expression hardened and his next words were venom, "_Snape_ is the entire reason my friends hate me."

"Elaborate?"

"You don't understand. I hated him so much that day. For my brother, for _everything_. I'm not normal, Marlene," He laughed darkly and his voice took on a deep, warning tone, "I hurt people. _And I like it_. I was very nearly put in Slytherin. If I hadn't met James that day, I would be lying in the Slytherin dungeons right now. But I did meet James, and he told me about Gryffindor. It helped that I had gotten in an argument with my parents that day. And so I rebelled and begged the sorting hat to place me in Gryffindor. And he did. I wanted to hurt Snivellus, wanted him to be out of my life, out of my brother's life. I sent Snape to Remus. On a full moon. James learned of the plan and saved him. He hasn't forgiven me since." The last sentence was muttered bitterly, "Neither have any of the Marauders. I would've expected good old Pete to have crumbled by now, but even he's stood his ground. Honestly, I think you might be my only friend. Although that's a lost cause now. Who desires to be friends with a sadist?"

"Another sadist?"

"You? Princess, what have you been hiding?" His smile part joking, part curiosity, part hope.

"My brother almost died because of me. And I could've prevented it. I set him up to fall. And fall he did," My voice trembled, "And he slept for months, stuck in a coma. Muggle medical term when the brain pretty much shuts down."

He stayed silent for a while, and even though he tried to hide it, a small smile crept on his face, "I probably shouldn't be smiling. But maybe you have a small chance of understanding me after all." For a split second we shared a glance, and for a split second we shared a smile. It was not a normal smile or even a happy smile. It was a broken smile. It was the smile you got when you found a light in the dark, when you realized that perhaps you weren't so lonely after all.

"Now take off your shirt Mckinnon."

Well, it was a nice moment up until then.

"Excuse me?" I managed to get out, my voice unnaturally high pitched.

"Wounds, Mckinnon. I need to heal your wounds."

"Oh," I breathed out, feeling heat rise to my cheeks. I tried peeling the shirt off but let out a cry of pain. The cuts in my back and the bite on my shoulder prevented me from being able to move extensively, "You're going to have to cut it off me or rip it off gently. I can't move my shoulder. And I think some of it is stuck to the skin because of the blood," I said through gritted teeth. The pain had been dulled while I was distracted by our revelations, but now it came back in a staggering amount.

"Normally, having a girl with looks like yours telling me to rip off a shirt would be the highlight of my day, but I'm not quite sure how exactly I'm supposed to go about this without making anything worse."

"I don't care, Black. Just do it and heal the damn wounds quickly."

He chuckled.

"What are you laughing at?"

"I just find it amusing that my skill at shirt-ripping will finally come in handy." He gripped the collar of my shirt and I felt my breath hitch in my throat. I could feel his warm breath cling to my eyelashes. If I looked straight ahead, I would stare at his lips.

_Damn it, Marlene. You were going to get over him._

"Black?" I asked, mentally kicking myself for the tremble in my voice.

"Yes?" He asked and looked down. For a few seconds, dark eyes meet stormy ones. He licked his lips, out of nervousness or discomfort I suppose. My eyes darted to his lips again and I heard my breath become more shallow.

"Hurry."

I focused on the loud sound of the fabric ripping. He peeled it off gently and I grimaced as it separated from the wounds.

"I never took you for a white lace bird, more black lace."

"I was a black lace girl once," I bit my lip as the healing spells ran over the wounds.

"I've gotten rid of most of the scarring but there's still some faint lines."

"That's all right. Thank you."

We sat in an awkward silence for a while, before Sirius stood up and grabbed a Gryffindor jumper from a nearly empty trunk.

"Yours I presume?"

"Was it the House of Black sigil that I scratched out or the emptiness that gave it away?" His tone was an attempt at a joking one, but came off as bitter.

"Where do you sleep?"

"Secret."

"Correction: Who's the lucky girl who gets to sleep with Sirius Black daily?" I said as I slipped the large sweater over my head.

"Come on Mckinnon, girl singular? You know me better than that. However, while I dearly wish for a girl to warm, certain spells prevent me from doing so."

I rolled my eyes, "I'd pay to see the day that Sirius Black settles down with one and one alone. Male or female."

He laughed, "Male or female?"

"I'm pretty sure that if you could, you would marry yourself."

He smiled half-heartedly, "Probably."

Sirius Black, the loner.

"Well, I should leave you to your defense essay. Night," I said, standing up to leave the dormitory."

"Mckinnon."

I turned around to find Sirius standing awfully close to me. His finger gripped the sweater sleeve that had slipped off of my shoulder and pulled it back over to its proper place. I could hear my heart beat furiously and I cursed myself, my heart, and most of all Sirius Black.

"Night," He finally said with a twist of his lips that I couldn't distinguish as a smirk or a smile.

I hurried down the stairs and ran up to my own dormitory. I flung myself into my bed, drawing the bed curtains close with a purpose.

_Damn._

_(Impurities)_

"You look like someone's told you Charms has been canceled and replaced with Divination," I informed Lily. She scrunched her face in poorly disguised disgust. Lily was passionate, but logical, creating a very strange personality. However, she loathed divination, the logical side of her overwhelming her passion when it concerned the subject.

"I bought a Muggle novel at a garage sale-"

"Garage sale?"

"Basically a place where people sell their old things."

"All right, continue."

"I heard about it before. It's 1984 by George Orwell, and it was a lovely book. But there was a lot of it ripped out. How could someone do that? Just end it there. No warning, no premonition, just done."

"If it's as popular as you say, then you could always find a copy over the hols."

"That is true," She sighed.

"What was it about?"

"It was the author's vision of life in 1984. There's a war going on, but not much is known about it. The world is controlled completely by the government, who go so far as to try to control people's thoughts. It is headed by a figure called Big Brother and an inner party-"

"Doesn't sound much like fiction to me," I said as we entered Transfiguration. Mary let out a whistle and I echoed her shock. McGonagall had actually decorated for Halloween, placing pumpkins at each desk. It was a well known fact that McGonagall was not enthusiastic about very many holidays, save for Gryffindor Quidditch matches (which, to her, counted as holidays). The House Cup sat in her office since second year, and she liked it that way. Lily made her way to the front, and Mary and I shared a look before grudgingly sitting next to her.

"Hello class. Since today is Halloween and I've learned from my numerous years of teaching that making sure a class pays attention today is nearly hopeless, we shall be transfiguring pumpkins into bats or candy, depending on your level," She said, sending a glare to a number of students who were known throughout the year as not the sharpest knife in the drawer. The fact that they made the more advanced class was a surprise, but I figure they had lucked out or cheated off some of the brightest in our year.

James, Transfiguration star that he was, had turned the pumpkin into a bat easily and furthermore turned it back and began turning the pumpkin into a number of other things. However in the middle of a transfiguration, the pumpkin simply burst into flames. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked around for a culprit, and found Bellatrix smirking. Her bat flew over to land in the ashes, and then it too decided to spontaneously combust near his face. Then she grinned. Bellatrix grinning is an even worse omen than Bellatrix smirking. Especially when near flammable objects. Like James.

"What are you playing at Bellatrix?" Sirius hissed as he leaned over the desk.

"Just a little glimpse of a fascinating event to come." She smiled sweetly.  
"What do you mean?"

"You'll see, bitch," She replied, again in that overly sweet tone, the one that seemed to convince authority that she was oh-so-innocent, but was really dancing on the edge of sinister and fake charm.

"Stop it with your mind games," Peter spoke up, "if you're threatening us, you should know that it's bad form to leak anything out."

"Just know that you're all invited. Attendance is not optional. Just ask Peter."

McGonagall frowned down at her. "And why, might I ask, are you speaking across the aisle instead of working, Miss Black?"

"Oh, we were all finished and I was just inviting them to a party over the next holiday. It's in two weeks, after all, and I do miss my schoolmates dearly during our weeks away."

McGonagall frowned and opened her mouth as if she was pointing out the lie, but then closed it, nodded, and continued walking down the aisle. Mary transfigured her pumpkin into a bunny and Lily coed over it. Yet the bunny hopped nervously, and as it fixed its eyes upon me, I saw fear. I looked to the smoking pile of ashes on James' desk and the same fear began to creep into my own mind.

* * *

Before our third year, Professor Slughorn had apparently thrown stuffy self-titled "Slug Club" Halloween parties, where he might bring in a vampire or werewolf. However, it just so happened that in our third year, the Marauders began their tradition of throwing outrageous parties on Halloween where the butterbeer and firewhiskey would flow as easily as the girls that night would give it up. Slughorn had given that tradition up when his attendance began to reach startling low numbers. And so, as it was, I sat in the Gryffindor common room swirling a glass of pumpkin juice and fanning myself due to the never-ending amount of body heat. It seemed as if the whole school had turned out. I wouldn't have been surprised if it had.

My eyes flickered up towards a group of girls, laughing a bit too loud, batting their eyelashes a bit too much, and wearing too little, wrapping themselves around the Ravenclaw Quidditch captain, Benjy Fenwick, who happened to be Manning's friend. Manning would be back in a week if he was feeling up to it. I smiled at the thought and took another gulp of pumpkin juice in celebration. One of the girls giggled in an obnoxious manner.

"I used to be one of them," I mused, "How pitiful."

I finished my pumpkin juice the way everything happened at this party: quickly.

"Oi! Marlene!" I heard a shout from somewhere in the crowd and whipped my head to find James and some bird against a wall snogging as if their lives depended on it.

"Potter," I called back and pushed my way towards him, "You called?"

"And you came," He said with a smile and a swig of firewhiskey, "Remus, Remy, Moony my mate, would like to have a word with you," He murmured in between kisses and pointed somewhere in a direction where I spotted Remus, leaning against a wall and looking miserable, cradling a glass of butterbeer.

"All right, that's enough for you," I said to James, snatching the firewhiskey away from him.

"I never stopped you," He protested.

"You don't want to be a drunken idiot, do you Potter?"

"Says the kettle to the pot."

"I'm sober."

"What happened to Marlene?" He asked, genuinely confused and my brow straightened.

"She grew up. And in this world and this war, you would do well to try something similar."

"You can leave now," The girl, who was trying to gain James' attention, spat at me. I rolled my eyes and walked towards Remus.

"Hullo Remus," I said, sitting down on the stone floor. He followed my example and I cast a few boundary charms so that we could talk without the noise.

"I owe you an apology," Remus blurts the moment I finish putting up the silencing charms.

"For what?" I ask, looking to him for clarification.

"Oh come on Marlene, you're not dumb, you're quite smart actually. You figured it out. I know you did. You know I'm a werewolf and you know James, Peter, and Sirius are animagi. You don't have to pretend to appreciate my presence or anything like that, but you can't tell anyone," His eyes were frantic as they searched mine. I felt my heart go out to Remus. Poor Remus who had gone through unbearable pain from such a young age each month. Remus Lupin, clever and full of potential, who would likely never get a decent job due to the prejudice. Remus Lupin who never chose to be shunned, to be an outcast, but was forced.

"Of course I won't tell anyone, Remus. And I won't pretend to appreciate your presence, I do appreciate you presence, I did and I still will. Learning that you probably have more challenges than anyone else in this room and still maintain more than decent marks and have some of the best mates you can come across, is remarkable."

He smiled as he looked down at his lap, "I'm sorry. I almost killed you the other night. I can't control myself as a wolf. But I'm still blamed for his actions. He never leaves my head. He's caged, but sometimes I-I'm not sure who I am. Am I the wolf or am I Remus John Lupin?" He laughed bitterly, "Not your typical teenager questioning their character, I suppose."

"You are Remus John Lupin, wolf included. And he might be a demon, but he is a part of you, just like everyone else's demons that swarm in their head. None of us are clean of them, and they will continue to haunt us for the rest of our lives. You shouldn't apologize for things you can't control. And I'm still alive, aren't I?" I asked, gripping his chin so that he would look up, "Healthy as a horse."

"I suppose. Maybe still a little mental in the head."

I slapped him upside the head playfully, "Good things happen to bad people, Remus, because the world is unfair and full of injustice and unhappiness. Good things happen to bad people because obstacles are built and meant to test a person's limits. The more obstacles, the stronger and more potential a person has."

Remus grinned, "That was really touching, Marlene. I would hug you, but at this point I really need a snog or a shag to regain my masculinity because I just shed a tear there."

"Screw masculinity," I said off-handedly and embraced him anyway. He chuckled, "There, there Mckinnon. Someone might think that we were a couple."

"Oh dear God, get away from me Lupin," I joked and scrambled away from him and took pleasure when I made him laugh.

"Find yourself a nice bird," I added and sent him off into the crowd. He turned around to shoot me a thumbs up before disappearing in the crowd. I gave a final wave and then slumped against the wall, snatching up a butterbeer, before putting it away.

"I promised," I reminded myself. I sought the dance floor and danced with a few of my friends. It was around midnight when the party came to an abrupt stop.

There was a blood curdling scream and not a few minutes later, a panting girl and boy burst through the portrait hole, tears in their eyes. I glanced to Lily and she pushed through the crowd, coming towards the couple, snatching up a blanket on her way. She draped it across their shoulders gently.

"Are you all right?"

The girl began crying and the boy awkwardly wrapped his arms around her.

"We were in the astronomy tower," The girl managed between gasps and tears, "And, someone cast the dark mark. Th-the sign they printed in the Daily Prophet the other week. It was above the school." She burst into tears again.

"They set fire to part of the Forbidden Forest, and it's coming towards us. It's curse fire," The boy whispered, but the room was so quiet that I had no doubt everyone could hear it. I sought out James and silently made my way towards him, offering him a crystal phial.

"Drink." I ordered, and he frowned but did so. He grimaced and I slapped a hand over his mouth, just as a precaution.

"Swallow."

Again he followed my instructions, but turned to me with a frown.

"That was awful, Marlene."

"Shh," I shushed him, "_That_ was sobering potion. You're lucky I was smart enough to make an entire batch. It was originally intended for a few friends after today's party, but if we're smart, we're going to have to split it between the older more inebriated kids."

"Why?"

I gestured to the couple who were still shaking uncontrollably while Lily did her best to comfort them, "We're under attack."

And for a flash, James' eyes grew wide with fear and realization.

"Just a little glimpse of a fascinating event to come," James' voice echoed my thoughts.

* * *

The prefects had sent all children fourth year and under into the dormitories, not matter their house. For the fifth years to seventh years, we distributed all the sobering potion we could find and formed ourselves around every entrance and exit.

"All we have to do is man the doors," A seventh year supplied, breaking the uncomfortable silence, "Just make sure the children are safe."

"Some good defensive spells are _Expelliarmus_, _Stupefy_, and _Petrificus Totalus_," Another said helpfully, smiling uneasily at the fifth year students who glanced at each other with fear. We waited. Whether for hours or minutes or seconds, we stayed still, eyeing the portrait hole as if it would burst open and we would all die.

Humans: both Muggles and witches and wizards are afraid of many things. Individually, we fear different things. But collectively, we are afraid of the unknown. That was the fear that plagued us now. We were not afraid of death, but what came after it. We were not afraid of the castle, but what had snuck into it and who was still alive. My wand hand started shaking after a while and I let it down, massaging the sore muscles. I looked around, to see that a few others had also done similar actions.

As the time wore by, more of us began to sway on our feet and could not find the energy to pry our eyes open. I fell backwards, catching myself by gripping the furniture closest to mine.

"_Enerverate,_" I pointed at James' eyes and he jerked awake, cursing me and my bloody spell. An hour or so later, the portrait hole began to open. Immediately, those who were awake pointed their spells and hastily shot off many of them. We were flung back by an extremely powerful shield charm.

"Wands down, please!" Professor McGonagall shouted and took in the scene, "There will be detentions and points given and taken for this," she gestured towards the obvious signs of festivities and alcohol, "but for now it is more important that all students report to the Great Hall so that we may make sure everyone is accounted for." A few of us trudged our way towards the dormitories to gather up the younger students. The large group slowly and groggily made our way towards the Great Hall. I found Lily and Mary and we walked with our hands clenched on our wands. When the large doors were opened, we took in the mess.

I found Professor McGonagall at the front, and in her wise and elderly face, consternation flew into her eyes.

"Go back!" She ordered, and we pushed against the back end of the crowd out of the Great Hall. She hadn't given the command early enough to hide the view more than a few people had glimpsed in the Great Hall.

Written in a dripping, crimson substance upon the large window behind the teacher's table were four words: Impurities must be bled.

And scattered throughout the floor were wizarding photographs of a second year Hufflepuff girl, her face twisted in anguish with tears falling down her cheeks. She was a muggleborn.

And just below the haunting four words, were ones that were even more eerie: Do what we ask or the mud blood will flow.

**A/N: Hello faithful readers! So sorry that I took so long, I'm volunteering at a hospital and it's quite tiring but also fun at the same time! To make up for the long absence, I have more than a few gifts for you, because you guys are all so marvelous and I thank everyone who reviewed my story, PMed me, favorited or followed my story, you guys are part of the reason I still write this! This chapter is very long, I think it's the longest one yet. Speaking of long pieces of writing, The Butterfly Effect has reached 67 pages! Another gift is that I gave you more than a couple of Blackinnon moments ****J I hope that satiates you for now! But I have yet another present for you lovely people! If you check my profile, there's a link to a youtube account. Yes, I began to make videos and I have three Blackinnon videos ****J There are a few for Moon Daughter (the fanfiction Francesca wrote) Also check out my wonderful beta's one shot about Bellatrix Black! It's called Ice and it's very well written. She also helps me with writing Bellatrix as she channels her especially well. Again thanks for reading! I'll be outlining and beginning to write Chapter 5 very soon. Probably this week! Love you all! Reviews are amazing and make my day, but I feel loved just from all the reads ****J**


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